All I Really Want
by Luna Blossom
Summary: Squall finally gives Quistis a little insight on why he left, only to end up taking off again! Will she ever see him again? It's a Quall! Rated PG for mild cursing. It's FINISHED!!!! Yeah baby!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, or any characters therein. The plot for this story is from my own imagination though. YAY Squaresoft! *ahem*  
  
  
All I Really Want   
(Prologue)  
  
I took a sip from the wine glass intwined in my gloved hand. The wine tasted bitter, and I had to fight the urge to spit it back out. I don't even like wine. I only took took it because Irvine brought me a glass. He pranced around me doing his impression of a chocobo, but Hyne only knows why. I have to admit though, it was kind of funny.   
"Quisty! Smile for me!" I turned to see Selphie holding her video camera. She'd been harrassing everyone with it all night.  
"Aw Selphie! Turn it off!" I turned away, and looked back, "I don't want that thing on me."   
"Just say hi to the camera and smile! I'll leave you alone----"   
"Alright, alright." I smiled my best and waved.   
"Great! Keep smiling----" She took a few steps closer.   
Irvine popped his head up in front of me. "Irvine!" she cried, "You ruined my shot!"   
I was just getting comfortable too. It's not very often I've been in the spotlight. But don't get me wrong, I kind of like it that way.  
"Hey!" I said stepping back.   
"Yo Selphie! I'll give you a better shot." he said putting his arm around me. I tried to shove him off, he smelled kind of gross, like some sort of cheap cologne that some of the junior classmen buy. I stepped on his foot causing him to pull back. I stomped off in the other direction. "C'mon! I was only foolin'!" I heard him call after me.  
Who could I talk to now? There weren't many people I knew here, and I don't want to go and talk to some total stranger. Where is everybody anyway? I looked around again and spotted Cid. He was looking around at all the people loitering at the food table. He was someone I could talk to, I mean, I could have a better conversation with him than I could with some people my own age.... Well, except Xu, she's a good conversationalist, and someone with a good attention span.   
"Headmaster, how are you doing?" I said as I walked up to him. He turned to me and smiled.  
"Quistis? Why aren't you with the others?"  
With the others? I would be if I could find where most of them went.  
"I had to get away from Selphie," I laughed, "she's-"  
"Right behind you." he chuckled raising his wine glass. I turned around to see her holding the camera. I smiled and shook my head. Turning back to Cid I laughed, "-got her camera"   
I heard her giggle.  
"So how are enjoying the festival?" I asked.   
He scratched his head, "It's great, Selphie did I fantastic job."  
I nodded. It's true. In the passed little while, she managed to get well over a hundred poeple to help her with the Garden Festival, which is not an easy task. I'm surprised she still wanted to do this though, but I guess she's not one for giving up when things get tough. I admire her for that.  
Cid looked to his side and smiled. I looked in the direction he was smiling to see a very old friend.  
Matron.  
She was just as beautiful as ever. It's like she was frozen in time, she still looked the same as I had remembered her from when I was a youngster. She smiled and walked to Cid's side.  
"Hello Matron." I smiled, "How are you doing?"   
"Oh, just fine, dear." she smiled back. She looked at me, "My how you've grown!"  
"I know! All the children have grown taller than we are!" Cid chuckled. Edea laughed and lightly hit his chest. She was about to say something, when something stepped up behind me basking the couple in shadow. Edea and Cid looked up. They looked pretty astonished. I pivoted my head to see Irvine. He came to my side and took off his hat.  
"Cid, Matron." he bowed slightly.  
Edea chuckled, "My what a charming young man you've become."   
Heh, she had no idea how "charming" he really was. The poor woman would probably die if she knew what this guy had been up to.   
"I just wanted to say hi to the both of you. Selphie wanted to say hi to you too!" he turned away, then turned back, "Just one sec." Cid and Edea nodded at him.  
"Good luck getting her out from behind the camera." I whispered. I looked in time to see him wrestle the camera from her grasp. I let out a giggle when I saw her swipe his hat. She put it on and skipped towards me.   
"Hello Matron! Hello Headmaster!" she beamed.  
They both smiled. Selphie grabbed my arm and pulled me toward Irvine. He may know his way around guns, but he sure was a ditz with electronics.  
"Selphie, somethings wrong."he chanted as he fiddled with the camera, "The pictures not right!"  
He had the camera on it's side.  
His antics were far from boring, I'll give him that much.  
"Uh, I think you've got it on it's side...." I laughed.  
He gave me an awkward look. Selphie sighed, and started waving her hands, "Turn it around!"  
He started turning the camera, "Keep going!" she coaxed.   
He got the thing right side up finally. "There! Perfect!" Selphie giggled. She linked arms with me to and waved to the camera. Feeling a little more loosended up than I was earlier, I smiled and waved too.  
"Hiya Irvy!" Selphie called. I raised an eyebrow as he turned the camera off of us and pointed it in another direction. I saw the little grin on his face as he waved to someone on the other side of the room. I looked to see I group of giggling female students. Oh man, I knew he'd catch it from Selphie now! I tried to contain my laughter as he turned back to us. Selphie unlinked her arm from mine and started yelling at Irvine. I always knew Irvine really liked her, but I guess old habits die hard. Looking at them, I realized they would actually make a really cute couple......if she can ever extinguish his "wandering eye" disease. She turned back to me and started pushing me away.  
"C'mon, we don't need to hang around with a pervert like this!" I heard her growl.  
"Selphie! Don't be that way!" Irvine said as he followed us with the camera. I couldn't help but smile. This evening was turning out to be quite fun after all.  
I felt Selphie elbow me, "Look! It's Zell!" My gaze followed the direction of her pointing finger. He was sitting at a table with a huge plate of hotdogs in front of him. Some girl was staring at him. I could tell she was trying to talk to him, but he was too absorbed in his plate of hotdogs to seem to even notice, and she looked just as absorbed in him. Selphie and I both laughed as Zell shoved too much hot dog into his mouth at a time. He reminded me of a chipmunk.   
"Look! He's got pudgy cheeks!" Selphie cried. I think he heard though. How do I know? Well, right after she cried that, his face started turning a weird shade of red.   
I crossed my arms, "Is he alright...?"  
Selphie took a couple steps closer, "I don't know."  
He reached for his drink, and found there was none left I guess, because he dropped the glass. I felt bad for the girl at his side though. She was looking a little panicked.  
"I think you guys should go help him!!!" Irvine cried. I turned and looked at him. He was right beside us now taping Zell.   
"What about you?" I asked.  
"Heh, I'll be right here taping the whole thing! This is great stuff!"  
I rolled my eyes. Selphie and I rushed over, causing Zell's admirer to step back, and we started hitting Zell's back. I mean really! If he didn't eat so fast, he wouldn't have this sort of thing happen! Maybe later he should go to "H.D.A."  
Hot Dogs Anonymous. I think he has a real problem.....  
We stopped hitting him, and Selphie leaned over.   
"Are you alright?"  
He turned his head. Though I couldn't see the look on his face, I had a feeling he wasn't happy because Selphie sort of backed off.  
Then, he just jumped out of his chair, almost sending me toppling backwards. I'm not sure what he yelled, because his mouth was still full, but I took off. I think Selphie was behind me too. I could hear Irvine laughing hysterically and I turned around just in time to see Zell huck a huge loaf of bread at the camera. Now THAT was funny! Irvine started readjusting the camera and came back towards Selphie and I.  
"Irvine!" I turned to look too. Selphie enthusiastically pointed at the balcony,"C'mon! You've got to get this!"  
Irvine rushed passed me and stood facing the balcony. What were they so excited about? I walked over and stood behind them.  
"Zoom in! Zoom in!" Selphie giggled. I looked out and see Rinoa, but I couldn't see who else was with her. Duh, of course it would be Squall... They've been practically attached since we got back to the Garden.   
I'm not jealous.  
Rinoa pointed up at something and smiled.  
"Damn!!!!!" was all I heard. I think it was Irvine, but I wasn't really paying attention.  
I saw Squall step into view. He was smiling, actually smiling......  
"Did you recharge the batteries for this thing Selph?"  
"Of course I did!"  
Squall reached over and took Rinoa's hand. Okay, maybe I'm a little jealous......  
"Well you must not of! They're dead!" I could still hear Irvine ranting, but I didn't really care.  
Squall stepped closer to her, and tilted his head. "Oh Hyne no!" I screamed in my head.  
He bent down a little more, and kissed Rinoa.  
Okay, now I'm jealous.  
I felt kind of queezy.... I didn't need to see anymore... I turned away and I think skulked is a good word for what I was doing......... I'm glad no one seemed to notice I was making a run for it. I didn't want anyone around me right now.  
  
I walked out of the quad into the Garden's main hall. The halls are nice at times like this. No loitering. No talking. Just silence, utterly blissful silence. Everyone was at the Festival.... except me, of course. I feel so tired...so drained.  
I walked back to my dorm. I remember the first night I spent in here after all of us got back from time compression. The bed never felt so soft and comfy. It was better than sleeping in the barracks on the Ragnarok. Those beds were bunk beds, and they were the most uncomfortable beds known to man.  
I opened my door and stretched..   
I yawned. "Man I'm tired." I said to myself as I sat down on my bed, and looked around.   
It's so quiet.  
I mean, I know I just said I like the "blissful silence", but sitting here, in my room...isn't that blissful. I feel kind of restless now actually.I shook my head and laid back. I kind of feel like going for a walk..... Yeah, I think that'd be good.  
I stood up and opened my door. Something's missing...  
I looked around the room and my eyes fell on my Save the Queen lying on my desk. I debated for a bit on whether I should bring it or not, but, I ended up leaving it behind as I entered the hall and shut the door behind me.  
Where should I go? Where's a good thinking spot?   
The sound of my steps echoed down the dim hallway.  
The secret area?  
I turned the corner and opened the steel doors leading into the main hall.  
No. There's probably some liplocked couple there right now.  
The observation deck?  
.......Yeah. This time of night, over the ocean will probably be a refreshing change from my stuffy dorm.   
I headed for the elevator and pushed the button. The doors opened and I stepped in.  
I really need to just think for a bit. Why? Well, I guess....because...I realized I do have a lot to think about.  
The elevator buzzed and the doors slid open. I stepped out and made my way down the circular hall to the stairs going to the observe. deck.  
I shoved open the heavy doors, and felt a nice breeze play with my hair. I love places like this. The sounds, the lighting, everything.  
I leaned on the railing and looked down. The ocean waves crashed and glittered in the moonlight. My heart jumped a little.   
That's a loooooong drop. I've seen worse though, like the first time I looked out the window of the Raganarok. I guess that was a little scary, but not too much.  
When you're in SeeD, you see a lot of stuff, and are in a lot of situations that are scary enough to make any normal person's blood run cold. We were constantly in some kind of danger on missions, and considering the last several months, it seemed we weren't even safe in our Garden either. That makes me kind of nervous..... I don't want to have to go through another war, or near death experiences. I think the battle with Ultemecia cured me of lusting for adventure, but I don't know, I seem to be the only one who feels this way. Of course, I've never asked anyone how they felt now, or confided in them about my feelings. Squall had also cured me of the urge to do that. I keep to myself a little more than I used to. It's not that bad. I find that I like to be alone sometimes... But not all the time.   
Don't get me wrong, I'm not like Squall now or anything, but I'm thinking maybe he was on to something. I mean, very few critcized him about his feelings....Well, I guess Rinoa and I are the exceptions. I always bugged him to open up, and tell me what he's feeling, and he always shrugged me off. Rinoa comes and bugs him, and then all of a sudden, he starts opening up and even on the balcony a little while ago, he smiled! He, 'Mr. Mind your Own Business', smiled! I just can;t get over that.... Yeah, I am pretty jealous. And I feel sort of bad for Rinoa at the same time. I was kind of hard on her when we first met. But I know she must be a good person if she was even able to make Squall happy......  
Sigh......  
But was I hard on her because I thought of her as competition?   
Competition for what? For Squall? I think that's true, but stupid. He wasn't even interested in me in the first place.... but I guess my jealousy drove me to act the way I did. I mean, I liked him for a long time, I still do, and I have to admit, I'm hurting right now. When I saw those two kiss, I felt like Squall was betraying me, like he was "cheating" on me.   
How delusional is that?   
I guess it's beacause I had put my whole heart into loving him, and when he turned it down, I felt like he was dumping me.....but I don't have any real closure so.... I'm stuck like this for a while....  
I'm loyal to him as if he were mine, and I think that's pretty sad. I know he wouldn't have flung himself into space without thinking of the consequences, if it had been me out there helplessly drifting into oblivion.  
..................?  
I stood up straight and stepped back from the railing. I realization came over me, one that even to my own surprise, I hadn't even considered.  
I think I resent Squall. Not Rinoa, but Squall.....  
I resent him for hurting me. I resent him for not loving me. I resent him for not rescuing me, protecting me from the dangers in this world. I'm mad at him because I care for him so much.. He dashed my heart, and emotionally, I'm a wreck at times. I need help, I need to get away and heal...  
I need someone of my own....  
I want to live happily ever after.....  
I want a loving husband, and a family someday....  
I want a house with a picket fence, and one of those yappy little dogs.....  
I want to grow old with a special someone, be a grandmother.....  
I think, maybe, that's all I really want...  
A life, a family.  
How am I going to get away? And, also, what about when I'm older? How can I have a family if I'm in SeeD? We're a military school.... Also, I don't think I'd want to meet a future husband here. Most the men here plan on staying after graduation and continung their careers as SeeDs. I wanted to do that a while ago too....but now, I'm not so sure.... I'm not really sure of a lot of things anymore.  
  
I laid awake that night, I couldn't sleep. When I returned to my room earlier, I found a note tucked into the side of my door. It was from Cid, something about wanting to meet with me in his office tomorrow. I have a feeling I know why too......  
So that, added on top of everything else on my mind, made it difficult for me to get to sleep. There were lots of questions going through my head, and they were ones I didn't have any answers for, not just yet anyway. Mainly things like, "What am I going to do now?"  
"Will it turn out?", "How's this going to happen?"  
I had so much more to debate now. So many more things to sort out and decide upon. I feel like the heavy weight on my heart, has distributed itself to my mind. I'm not going to wallow in self pity about it though. I want to work al this out.  
Then, it hit me.   
The idea frightened me at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it would be for the best.......  
  
I woke up to the sound of my alarm. I looked at the harsh red numbers with blurry eyes.  
Time to go see the Headmaster.  
I got up and headed straight for the shower, undressing as I went. The hot water felt nice on my skin, and seemed to help wake me up. I turned off the water, and stepped out. While I dried my hair, I was looking at myself in the foggy mirror in my bathroom. My image was all blurry, and seemed to match the thoughts in my head right about now. I hadn't slept barely at all, I was too busy making my decision....  
After picking up the pajamas I discarded on the way to the shower, I took my SeeD uniform out of my dresser. I really love this uniform. It was such an honor to me when I received 3 years ago. I put it on and stood in front of the mirror again.  
I looked so... official, and a little serious. But I think I always look serious, it's just who I am.  
I reached for my hair clip on the back of the sink, but, I pulled my hand back. I don't think I'll need it today. Instead I combed my fingers through my blond hair and walked out of the bathroom. I headed for the door leading out and opened it, I looked back at the room once, then shut the door behind me.  
  
The walk to the elevator seemed like the longest, most difficult thing I've had to do. Even more difficult than Ultimecia. Some students were staring at me as I went. Maybe it was because my hair wasn't up as it always had been, or maybe because my eyes seemed to be fixed in a vacant stare, I'm not sure. Frankly, I didn't give a damn.  
"Hold the elevator!" I cried as the doors began to close. I saw a hand come out and hold the door. I stepped in.  
"Thank you." I said.  
The student looked at me, "What floor?"  
"The 3rd please."  
He nodded, "Meeting with the Headmaster?"  
As if it's any of your business.. "Yes actually." I said straightening my uniform. He just nodded and and looked at the door. The elevator stopped on the second floor, and he stepped out. The doors closed again, just leaving me in there alone.  
I'm so thankful for that...  
I didn't want anyone to see me right now. I started sweating as the elevator ascended. My eyes were fixed on the numbers above the door.   
The elevator stopped, shaking me out of my trance. The doors opened in front of me revealing the door to Cid's office. My feet felt like lead as I stepped out of the elevator. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, why am I so scared?  
.......Well, it's understandible...This is a big decision, one that took me a majority of last night to make. I reached for the door knob and noticed my hands were shaking. Taking a deep breath, I turned the knob and opened the door.  
I walked up to the lift and stood on it. It lifted me to the control room for the Garden. When I reached the top, I was surprised to not only see Cid, Xu, and to my surprise, Squall as well. But he was the "Commander" so I shouldn't have been all that surprised. They all had their eyes on me as I stepped off the lift.  
"You wanted to see me?" I asked standing tall.  
Cid nodded, "I take it you got the note? I was trying to find you at the Festival last night, but you seemed to have had disappeared on us."  
I nodded, "Yes, I...decided to retire early. What did you want to talk to me about..?"   
As if I don't already know...  
He pushed his glasses up onto his nose, "We, meaning all of us present," he looked around at everyone. Xu was smiling at me. Squall was just staring, which made me little uneasy.  
"We were wondering if you would like to become an Instructor for us again. We feel you thoroughly deserve it! You've accomplished a lot in the last little while, and proved yourself capable of teaching our future Seeds."  
I knew it. I knew that's what he was going to say.   
Xu tilted her head, "So...what do you say Quistis?"  
"I......" My mouth was dry, my mind was a blur of possibilities, but, here goes......  
"No." I said clasping my hands behind my back. Everyone sort of just.....stared at me, I think in shock. What did they think I was going to say? 'Sure, I'll lead a bunch of teenagers to die before their thirties.' Those were the general statistics for the average SeeD, not very many of them lived to see their 30th birthday. I didn't want any part of it.   
That was conclusion I'd come to last night.  
"No?" Cid repeated as if he was trying to convince himself.  
I nodded and took a deep breath, "Actually, I wanted to inform you that I'm resigning from SeeD. I plan on leaving the day after tomorrow." I wanted to leave here as soon as I could, before I had a chance to change my mind for any reason.  
Xu took a step toward me, "Why?"   
I sort of shuffled around for a moment. How can I say this..?  
"Last night," I began, "I took a long hard look at my life and decided on what was best for my future, and in all honestly, SeeD doesn't seem to be a part of it."  
I don't know what they wanted to hear, but that was the only answer I had.   
Cid cleared his throat and scratched his head, "Well, I don't really know what to say..... Are you sure you want to do this?"  
I nodded again, "I put a lot of thought into it, believe me." I could see Squall in the corner of my eye. The look on his face surprised me...He looked, kind of surprised. He lowered his face.  
What was wrong with him?  
Cid looked at me and smiled, "Well, I---wish you all the best." he he reached out his hand, "Good luck Ms. Trepe."  
I smiled and shook his hand, "Thank you sir."   
I'm going to need it.......  
  
  
Author's Note: Finally! It took me forever to get this finished! So what do think? Yes, I'm going to turn this into a Quall, so all of you who don't like them, TURN BACK NOW!!!! Also, if you feel the need to flame me.....PLEASE DON'T!!! I'm a writer on the edge!!!! Heh heh, just kidding..... If you want, chapter 1 is coming soon! 


	2. Goodbye

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, or any characters therein. The plot for this story is from my own imagination though. YAY Squaresoft!  
Author's Note: Okay I know that the prologue was a little lacking in the romance department, but hey, every story needs a start! So here's my attempt at chapter one! Thank you!  
  
  
All I Really Want  
(Chapter One: Goodbye)  
  
  
Later that day, Xu walked with me back to my dorm. She insisted that she come and talk with me while I packed.  
I agreed. It'd be nice to talk to someone while I'm getting ready for my future.  
I unlocked my door and opened it. My room seemed different now than it was this morning, maybe a little more foreign. I put my keys on my desk.  
"Make yourself at home." I said turning to Xu, "I'll just be a sec."  
"Thanks." she said sitting on my bed. I went to my dresser and pulled out my usual outfit. Orange skirt, orange shirt, etc. I left my gloves on the desk and went to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind me, I began to undress. Today was the last day I'll have worn my uniform.... I folded it neatly and placed it on the side of the sink. I pulled on my shirt and skirt and looked at myself in the mirror. It seemed like a stranger was looking back at me. Why, I'm not sure, I just felt strange.  
When I emerged from the bathroom, I found Xu flipping through the photo album I had left on my nightstand. She grinned a little as she looked at the pictures.  
"I remember when this was taken..." she said holding up the book. I looked closer to see a young me, and a young Xu standing over a fallen grat. Looking at the background, it seemed to be taken in the training center.  
"I remember that too.." I said smiling, "That was the first battle I ever won."  
Xu smiled, "Yeah. I remember you kept tripping over your whip and crashing into the grat." She started to laugh.  
I blushed. I didn't think it was that funny when it was happening though. I think I was only about 12 years old at the time, and I remember how scared I was. My weapons instructor was standing off to the side telling me to dodge, and be more consistent with my attacks. I really hated that guy then, but Xu was there too. She was shouting encouraging words and kept flamboyantly waving her fists around. When I finally managed to kill the thing, I remembered she ran over and kicked it muttering, "Take that!" Killing the monster was part of my exam for my weaponry class, so my instructor told me and Xu to look at the camera, and he took the picture. I got a copy, and a copy went into my file proving I had passed the exam.  
"That was a long time ago...." Xu said studying it a little more.  
I put my uniform on the bed, "Yeah..." She looked up from the book and looked at me. Her eyes were shiny.  
"I'm going to miss you know." she sniffed and wiped her eyes. My heart sank. I didn't want her to cry, I didn't want anyone to cry, especially because of me. I sat down beside her and took her hand.  
"Aw c'mon Xu. I'm not going to disappear off the face of the planet. I'll come and visit you, and you can come and visit me. It's not like we'll never see each other again..."  
She wiped her eyes again, ".... I know. But you're not going to be 'here' anymore."  
I didn't know what to say to that.  
She sniffed and looked at the desk, "When are you going to tell the others?"  
My eyes widened.... In the midst of everything, I had forgotten about that. How could I? I mean, I faced death with those people, and I forgot about them.... I guess that proves how horrible I am.....  
I sighed, "There's still a lot to do. I have a feeling Squall already took care of it anyway...All that's left is to say goodbye...."  
I patted her hand and stood up, "I better get going on this stuff." I headed toward my closet and pulled out my suitcases. They were kind of dusty and made me sneeze when I dropped them on the bed.  
Xu chuckled, "You haven't traveled much have you?" I laughed awkwardly, "No, I think I've traveled around enough for 20 lifetimes.."  
"Oh, that's right." she said blushing, "I wish I could have helped all of you more, with that."  
I shook my head and started to pull stuff out of my dresser, "No.....You did just fine. Don't worry about it."  
I heard her stand up, "It's getting really late... I'll leave you to your packing." I turned around and looked at her.  
"You're leaving?"  
She nodded and pointed to the alarm clock, "It's almost nine."  
Wow time went by fast. I looked out the window into the night sky. She came over and gave me a hug.  
"I'll come and see you tomorrow. Maybe we can have lunch or something." she said into my shoulder. She stood back at arms length.  
"Sure, that would great!" I smiled. She smiled back and waved.  
"I'll see you tomorrow then." She headed for the door and opened it.  
"Bye Xu."  
"Bye Quisty..." she shut the door behind her. I stretched my arms and returned to my packing. I thought I heard voices outside, but I couldn't tell what they were saying. I'm pretty sure one was Xu, but I couldn't tell who the other person was. I heard the doorknob turn. I looked at the door and saw it open revealing....... Squall??  
He stood there looking at me.  
"Can I come in?" he asked. I know I must've looked surprised, but he was the last person I expected to have paid me a visit.  
"Sure." I said shoving all my clothes in one of the suitcases.  
He stepped in and shut the door.  
"What do you want?" I asked setting the over-stuffed suitcase down on the floor. He kinda of looked a little awkward, he kept shifting his stance, "I told everyone about this morning."  
"I figured you would." I said simply. I know that comment sounded a little icy. I didn't mean for it to.  
"Yeah, well....They wanted me to ask if you wouldn't mind coming with us tomorrow."  
I tilted my head a little, "For what?" Why would they send Squall to tell me? Usually Selphie would fall all over herself to deliver a message to someone.  
"I guess it's a farewell thing, they didn't really say that much."  
I nodded, "When?"  
He looked like he was thinking for a moment, then finally answered, "Around....7:30 p.m.?"  
I shrugged, "Sure. I'll meet you guys at the front gate."  
"Alright."  
"Was that all?"  
He nodded, "Yeah. So we'll see you tomorrow."  
"Okay." There was an awkward silence. He turned to leave but stopped. He faced me again.  
"Actually, that's not all..." he said kind of looking at the ground.  
I raised an eyebrow, "What is it?" He opened his mouth to say something, but he just shut it again.  
"It's nothing. Forget it." He turned and started to head for the door.  
"Hey wait! What's wrong?" I called, but he had already shut the door behind him, leaving me standing there in confusion. Oh don't do this to me again!!!!  
What's going on?  
  
To my surprise, I slept fairly well that night. I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day (which is something that rarely happens). I got dressed and started packing again first thing. I had a lot more stuff than I thought I did. It was mainly things I had collected over the years like some books, photos, trinkets, etc. It all fit in my suitcases though, so at least that was a bonus. I didn't want to have to lug boxes around when I left.....  
I finished just before lunch. As I looked around at my now bare dorm room, I heard a knock on the door.  
"Come in!" I called arranging my suitcases at the foot of my bed.  
I heard the door open and I looked to see who it was.  
"Hi Xu." I smiled. She wasn't wearing her uniform today. Just a black skirt and a blue blouse. She smiled and looked at the luggage, "I see you're about done?" she asked.  
I nodded, "I am done actually."  
"You ready to go for a late lunch?"  
I wiped my forehead, packing's hard work. I looked at the clock, it was 2:30. "...Yeah, I haven't been out of this room all day!" I said heading towards her.  
"Okay, let's go then!"  
  
I got stares as we headed for the cafeteria. No doubt word of my resignation leaked out among the students. Some people whispered as Xu and I passed, and I started feeling a little self-conscious. What were they saying? Please don't tell me someone started some wild rumor about why I'm leaving. I wouldn't be very surprised though....There are people in the Garden who are like that. Personally, I think if you can't even mind your own business, you shouldn't be a SeeD. SeeDs need to work as teams, and so there can't be any backstabbers or else the structure of the team will collapse, and someone will end up dead. It's happened lots of times, and in almost every case, someone ended up injured, or like I just said, dead. That's also kind of a sub-reason why I'm leaving; it's extremely easy to die if you're a SeeD  
We reached the cafeteria. When we walked in, I got really nervous, because the entire place went silent. All eyes were on me. I'm just getting irritated with this now! I mean, what's the big deal! I'm only leaving, and it's not like I'm leaving for any majorly interesting reasons. If these people felt what I now felt about this place, they'd probably leave too. Dammit I don't know why I became an Instructor in the first place, maybe it just seemed like a good idea at the time, and I'm surprised I even had the patience for it at the time. Augh!!!  
"Quistis?" Xu asked, "Are you alright? Your face went all red."  
I blinked a couple times. The anger I just had lingered, then faded. I'm only human, everyone gets really mad sometimes. I'm just glad I didn't blow up at everyone verbally. That could've gotten ugly.  
I took a deep breath, "I'm fine.."  
The noise and bustling started back up, I guess they found something better to do than stare me down, thank Hyne.  
Xu nudged me, "Do you want to go somewhere else?" she asked in concern.  
I shook my head, "No, it'll be fine. Let's get a table."  
"If you say so."  
We managed to get a table near the back, sort of off to the side.  
"I'll go and get the food, what do you want?" Xu asked standing up. I thought for a moment.  
"A coffee would be great." I said  
She nodded, "You got it! I'll be back in a minute."  
I sighed, "Thank you so much..." I watched her squeeze her way through the people and head for the counter. I saw her open her mouth to order, when all of a sudden, a blur crashed into her sending her back on her behind. I got up and ran to see what was going on.  
When I got there, she was dusting herself off.  
"What the heck happened?" I asked. She shook her head and pointed. I looked to see none other than Zell. He was shifting from one foot to the other like an excited little kid.  
"Is there any hotdogs left? Any at all?" he asked leaning over the counter. The lunch lady shook her head.  
"I told you if you want the hotdogs you have to get here earlier, a lot of people like them just as much as you do!"  
I rolled my eyes, this is just too much. He's gonna get someone seriously hurt if he keeps this up.  
"Aw man......" he said kicking the floor. I walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. He whirled around.  
"OH! Hey there Quisty!"  
I put my hands on my hips, "Aren't you going to say anything?"  
He looked at me blankly for a moment, "Huh?"  
"You almost killed Xu!"  
He blushed and scratched the back of his neck, "I'm really sorry Xu. I wasn't really watching where I was going..."  
She laughed, "Don't worry. There's no harm done. But you should wear a bell or something so we'll know when your coming!"  
I laughed, "Yeah! That'd be an idea."  
Zell shrugged, "What can I say." He crossed one foot behind the other and looked at me, "Oh yeah, did Squall give you the message?"  
"Yeah." I said putting my hand on my hip.  
"So you're coming right?" he asked.  
"Of course. Didn't Squall tell you?"  
He shook his head, "I haven't seen him all day..... Come to think of it, I haven't seen Irvine and Selphie either..."  
"That's weird...."  
He nodded and stood up straight, "Well, I wanted to say that....uh.." he started blushing, "That I'm really gonna miss ya. It sucks that you're going to leave....."  
I tilted my head, "Thanks Zell, I'll...miss you too." He kinda looked away and dug his toe into the ground. He reminded me of a shy little boy.   
"Well-----uh---I-I gotta go and find everyone. See ya!" He turned and ran off to the main hall.  
Xu was laughing behind me. I turned and looked at her, "What?"  
Her laughter died down to chuckling, "It was funny to see him act like that. Usually he has no problem with things like this."  
I raised an eyebrow. I hope she's not implying what I think she's implying.....  
She winked at me, "Maybe he kinda likes ya."  
"HUH!?" I felt my face get hot, I waved my hands in front of me, "Zell?! No way, uh uh. He's got that library girl as far as I know. Besides, he's just my friend."  
Xu shrugged, "If you say so. I'm just teasing anyway." She smiled, "Don't get so worked up."  
I chuckled awkwardly, "Sorry, it's just that I don't understand what the big deal is. I mean, everyone's acting like I'm going to go and live on the moon or something...And what's with everyone whispering and staring at me when I walk by? Is it that surprising that I'm leaving?"  
Xu shrugged, "Don't ask me. Some smart ass probably posted a little 'theory' on the school message boards. Some people here thrive on gossip."  
Yeah, she's probably right. Like I said earlier, some people just can't seem to mind their own business...  
She sighed and turned towards the door, "Do you want to go to the Quad or something?"  
I nodded, "Yeah, I'm not really that hungry anyway...."  
  
It was really nice out today. The sun was shining, there was a nice breeze, the works. The Garden was parked in it's original resting place, by Balamb. I'm glad for that too. It means that when I leave, I can just catch the train. There weren't a lot of people around, which is surprising considering how nice it is out. Xu and I sat down on the grass.  
She stretched her arms out in front of her, and yawned. I propped my elbows on my knees and started fiddling with a blade of grass.  
"So........." Xu began, "Have you decided where you're going to go?"  
"Um...Well, I guess I'll head for Deling, I mean, I can probably get an apartment there. But in the meantime I'll stay in a motel."  
"Wow, I guess you've put lots of thought into this."  
"...I guess." I sighed and pulled my knees up to my chest.  
"What's wrong?"  
I shook my head, "Nothing." I smiled, "I guess I'm a little scared. I grew up here, and before everything happened, I thought I'd always stay here."  
"I've been meaning to ask," Xu said turning towards me, "What exactly caused you to leave? I mean, what gave you the idea?"  
I scratched my head, "Well, I was thinking the night of the Garden Festival, about some things that have happened, and I guess I just sort of realized what I wanted out of life, and like I said in Cid's office yesterday, SeeD just didn't seem to be something I wanted anymore."  
Xu nodded, "Well, it's your life, you should be able to live it as you want to live it....."  
That's true, but it's more complicated than that. I decided to just keep to myself about that though.  
I looked ahead at the horizon. The sun was high and basked us with nice warm light. I stood up and crossed my arms.  
"Where are you going?" Xu asked. I looked at my watch,  
"I'm going to get ready for tonight." I looked at her, "Are you coming tonight too?"  
She blinked, "For what?"  
I can't believe they didn't invite my one of my best friends! I reached out my hand to help her off the grass.  
"Meet us at the front gate at 7:30. Okay?"  
"Why?" she asked taking my hand. I pulled her up off the grass.  
"Squall and the others are having some sort of going-away party for me. I want you to come with us."  
"Are you sure?"  
I nodded, "Yeah. You're my best friend, of course I want you there!"  
She blushed a little, "As long as no one minds..."  
"Don't worry! It'll be fine!" I turned and headed for the Quad's exit, I looked back and waved, "See ya later!"  
Xu waved back, "Okay, I'll see ya!"  
  
I headed back for my dorm. I had a made a few quick stops around the Garden. Just tying up some loose ends, like returning some books I had borrowed from the library, and saying good-bye to some people who had been my fellow instructors. You know, some pretty mundane stuff like that. As I was walking down the hall to my room, I noticed something lying in font of my door. I picked up the pace to see what it was.  
I looked down...It was a big batch of various flowers (white and pink roses, lilies, carnations,). I knelt down and picked up the flowers and I felt a smile creep onto my face. I looked around and then sniffed them. They smelled lovely. I opened my door and entered, shutting it behind me.  
I laid the flowers on my desk, and checked for any kind of card to see who was the one who had sent them to me.  
I found nothing.  
That's pretty strange.......... Looking at the clock, I was knocked out of my state of thought, it was 7:45! I was so late!  
I rushed and changed into the light blue, knee-length skirt, and a white t-shirt that I had laid out earlier this morning. I quickly ran to the bathroom and let my hair down, and I brushed it as fast as I could. I stopped and stood back. I guess I looked okay, it was good enough anyway. I grabbed my purse, (yes, even I have a purse) and went to run out the door, but I stopped. I got an idea. I went over to the flowers and picked out one of the lilies. I placed it behind my ear and fastened it in with a clip. I checked the mirror again. It wasn't like me, but what the hell. I smiled and exited the bathroom.  
The sound of my sandals hitting the floor echoed down the hall as I ran to the front gate.  
A little grin snuck onto my face. When I was an instructor, I used to give my students a hard time about being late, now, I'm late meeting my former students. Funny how things work out huh?  
As I neared the gate, I saw Xu and Selphie waving at me. They were with Zell also. When I finally reached them I stopped and rested my hands on my knees panting.  
"Geez Quistis, are you okay?" Zell asked. I waved my hand at him and took a deep breath. I stood up straight and smiled.  
"Sorry, I was running a little late."  
Selphie shrugged and smiled, "It's okay, we're a little delayed ourselves."  
I looked around, "Where's the others?"  
Zell went to open his mouth, but Selphie elbowed him causing him to shut it.  
"They're going to meet us there." she said quickly. I raised an eyebrow. Something weird's going on....  
Everyone was smiling at me. I started feeling a little uncomfortable.  
"Um, shall we go?" I said taking a few steps toward them. The smiles on their faces died down to grins. They turned and started heading out. Xu put something in front of my eyes.  
"Hey!"  
"Hold still! It's my job to blindfold you!"  
"Why?"  
"You'll see.." she giggled. I felt her tie the blindfold in the back, and hoped she didn't crush the lily behind my ear.  
"Don't worry, I was careful not to ruin your flower.." she said as if she had known my thoughts.  
"Thank you."  
  
Xu had my hand and was leading me to what I was sure was outside. I could feel the grass brush my toes as we walked. I could hear Zell and Selphie chattering away in front of us.  
"Watch your step.." Xu said. We were walking up some stairs now.  
"Huh? Why are we taking the Ragna--"  
She hushed me, "You'll see! You're so impatient!" she laughed. I smiled.  
"Sorry.."  
When we got inside, I could hear the motorized lift pull the stairs up. I looked back towards the noise, but Xu started pulling me the other way. Zell, Selphie, and Xu's voices echoed throughout the hangar.  
We stepped onto what I was sure was the elevator, and my suspicions were confirmed when I felt the ground below me stir and rise up. I noticed that I could hear a lot more. The noise of the lift, the talking, everything was a little clearer. I guess the saying about, 'if you lose one of your senses, your others are heightened', was true. We stepped off the lift and made our way across what I assumed was the cockpit. I was sat down into a chair.  
"There. Now you rest and we'll be there before you know it!" Xu said.  
"Where are we going? What are you guys up to.....?"  
I heard Selphie call back form ahead of me, "You'll see!"  
I crossed my arms and slouched a bit. I'm horrible with this sort of thing, I don't really like not knowing what's going on around me. It makes me a little nervous.  
I clutched the armrests of the seat as we started to move. It was a bumpy take off. When we finally got up in the air and were moving steadily, I sat back. I might as well relax and see what happens.  
"Hey Quistis..." Xu said tapping my shoulder. She was sitting to the left of me.  
"What?"  
"Where'd you get the flower?"  
I blushed and beckoned her closer, "There was a bouquet of them left in front of my door." I whispered.  
She gasped and whispered back, "Really?! That's so sweet! Who sent them?"  
I shrugged, "I don't know. There wasn't a card."  
"That's weird....", she giggled, "Maybe it's a secret admirer...."  
I felt my face get hot, "Sshh! Keep it down!"  
"Hey! What are you guys conspiring about back there!?" Zell cried.  
"N-Nothing!" Xu answered. She leaned in again, "Sorry about that.." she whispered.  
I shook my head, and grinned.  
  
The trip was long, and uneventful. My lower body was numb from sitting down for so long, although I think we were only flying for an hour or so.  
"Hello." Selphie said in a deep voice, "This is your captain speaking." she stopped and giggled, "We will be landing in a few minutes. Please fasten you seatbelts and remain seated. Booyaka!"  
Xu and I laughed. I was glad we were landing soon. I want to know what's going on!  
The ship tilted, causing me to slide over and hit the arm rest  
"OW!" I cried.  
"Are you okay?" Zell called.  
I rubbed my arm, I was probably going to have a bump there, "...Yeah..I'm fine."  
  
I felt the ship lower, and finally land. Xu pulled me out of the chair and started leading me back to the lift. I could hear the sound of Zell's and Selphie's footsteps behind us.  
Man...this blindfold was starting to make my face itchy, I couldn't wait to get rid of it. I kept tripping as we descended the stairs out of the Ragnarok. My nose wrinkled, I could smell something....It was so familiar....  
The ocean.  
I felt someone untie the blindfold. My eyes stung with the sudden burst of light and colour. I let the piece of cloth drop to the ground as I slowly opened my eyes.  
"My god......" was all I could say. We were at the orphanage. There were beautifully coloured lights strung up around the fallen stone structure. I felt my eyes sting with tears.  
Selphie walked in front of me and turned around.  
"TA-DA!" she cried lifting her arms into the air, "Well? Do you like it?"  
My mouth was open in awe. I can't believe they did this in such a little time frame.  
She giggled, "I'll take that as a yes..." She turned around again and cupped her hands around her mouth, "Hey!!!!! You can come out now!!!!!"  
I almost fell over she yelled so loud. I looked towards the orphanage door to see people filing out.  
Irvine....Rinoa...Squall?  
Zell walked up and stood beside them, "These guys have been working all day."  
I took a few steps toward them, "I don't know what to say....."  
Irvine shook his head, "You don't have to say anything, we didn't mind doing this at all."  
I smiled. My friends...... Their such good friends........  
Rinoa elbowed Squall in the ribs, "Heh, The 'Commander' was the one who came up with all this!"  
Squall kind of glared at her, then looked away. He was the one who planned this?  
My heart skipped a bit... How can I be mad at him.... I love him so much....  
I ran and hugged everyone one by one, holding back my happy tears. I even hugged Rinoa, she seemed so small in my embrace... Then, I reached Squall. He just stared for a moment, then seemed to look surprised.  
I furrowed my brows. He seemed to be looking at the lily behind my ear.  
"What's wrong?" I asked.  
He shook his head, "..Nothing."  
I shrugged and feeling my cheeks get hot, I wrapped my arms around him. He went sort of rigid, like he wasn't sure what to do.  
"Thank you..." I said into his shoulder. I felt him relax and to my surprise, return my embrace. I smiled and took in as much of him as I could before I pulled away.  
Our eyes met for a brief second, then he turned away.  
Zell broke the silence by dashing up the steps of the orphanage, "C'mon! Let's PAR-TAY!!!" He disappeared into the dilapidated building. We all laughed when we heard Zell's squeal of glee radiate throughout the area.  
"HOT DOGS!!!!"  
Irvine shrugged, "We better get in there before he cleans the whole place out.." Everyone nodded.  
  
The inside of the building was just as beautifully decorated as the outside. Candles were lit and resting in various places casting shadows across the stone floor. Tables of different kinds of orderves were placed in the corner, but none of us could reach them due to the roadblock otherwise known as Zell.  
The party went smoothly and everyone seemed to be happy. Except Squall..  
While I was talking with Xu and Irvine, I saw him say something to Rinoa and head off towards the beach, leaving Rinoa with a look of worry on her face.  
"Quisty? Hello?"  
"Huh?"  
Irvine looked at me and cocked his head, "You looked a little forlorn there for a minute..."  
I shook my head, "I'm fine. Just a little sad I guess....."  
He grinned and put his hand on my shoulder, "Don't worry. We're all here for ya."  
I nodded, "I know...." I gave him a smile. I looked back to where Squall had disappeared from my sight, then looked back to Xu and Irvine.  
"Could you excuse me for a moment?"  
They nodded, "No problem." Xu said stepping back. I made my way passed them and headed for Rinoa. She was staring off towards the beach. I tapped her shoulder, making her jump. I must've startled her. She turned around and faced me.  
"Is everything alright?" I asked.  
She shook her head, "I don't know... I think you should go and talk to Squall.."  
I stepped back, "W-Why?"  
She looked back towards the beach, "I don't think he'd want you to know....but he's a little upset.."  
"He said that?"  
She shook her head, "No...but I can tell."  
I started towards the beach, but stopped and gave Rinoa a questioning glance. This sort of thing wasn't really my department. I mean last time I asked Squall to open up and talk to me, he told me to talk to a wall. But she waved to go on. I shrugged and continued down the crumbling stone steps....  
  
The moon shone on the water, and basked the lone dark figure standing just out of reach of the water lapping the shore. I took a deep breath and headed towards him.  
"What is it?" he asked in his cold way without even turning around. How did he know I was here? I dismissed the thought and stood beside him.  
"Can I join you?"  
"........It's your party going on up there."  
"I know.... I just--," I stopped, looking for the words, "I just wanted to talk to you for a bit."  
"Whatever....."  
Well, at least he didn't tell me to buzz off or something.  
"Is something wrong?" I asked looking at him. He looked really good.. His hair was so shiny, and the moonlight seemed to dance in his grayish eyes.  
"Nothing." he answered rather flatly.  
I tilted my head, trying to catch his gaze... Oh please look at me....  
"You left awfully suddenly..."  
He shrugged and looked at me. His eyes burned into mine.  
"What? Are you keeping tabs on me or something?" The way he said that stung. Why was he so mean all of a sudden?  
"No! I'm just worried about you..." I answered staring at him with equal intensity. After a long silence, he finally turned away. "Don't be."  
"But I am!!! Why are you brushing me off? Talk to me...." my eyes became blurry with tears, "Please.....Don't shut me out anymore....." I finished softly. He turned and faced me. His features visibly softened.  
A tear escaped and slid down my cheek, "I don't want to have bad memories of you or anyone..." He just stood there, silent.  
A strong breeze blew. The lily flew out of my hair and drifted to a soft landing at Squall's feet. He looked at is as if it was some foreign object. Kneeling down, he picked it up and examined it for a moment before standing up and coming towards me.  
I felt my face turn multiple shades of crimson as he stopped in front of me and tucked the flower behind my ear.  
I looked up at him, my eyes wide.  
".....I was hoping you'd like them.." he said lowering his hand to his side.  
I furrowed my brow in confusion, "What?"  
He looked at the flower, then at me. My eyes widened. It was him? The flowers, were from him?!  
I stepped back, "Oh no... Don't do this..."  
"Huh?"  
I shook my head, "It's hard enough to leave as it is....Stop doing this to me, before I change my mind."  
"What? What are you saying?"  
I clutched my hands into fists, "If you wanted to tell me, you should of done it earlier. Before Rinoa ca-.."  
I could've sworn he blushed as he swept his hand in front of him "N-NO! That's not it!"  
"Oh I-I...I didn't.." I stammered trying to come up with something.  
He lowered his gaze and shook his head, "It's---"  
I took a few steps closer, straining to hear.  
"I----", he looked at me in the eye. I stared at him right back.  
Please, what is it? I just wanted him to spit it out..  
"I'm just---" I could tell he was having a hard time, but why?  
"Forget it." he said.  
I almost keeled over in disappointment. I was starting to get upset, I just want him to stop jerking me around and say what he wants to say.....  
"What? What is it?"  
"Nothing! It's nothing!" he shouted.  
I stamped my foot, "Don't yell at me like that!!! I just want know what's going on!"  
"Forget it!! Forget everything!! Just leave! You can't wait can you!?"  
I gasped, "What's that supposed to mean!?!"  
His out pouring of emotion startled me, and made me wonder what brought it about. Why does he keep getting all defensive?  
"Whatever....." he said waving his hand. With that, he turned and left. Leaving me staring after him in hurt, and confusion.  
  
  
I finished checking my suitcases making sure I had everything. The rain was pouring down outside leaving streaks on my window. I sighed. I hadn't seen Squall since the tense ride home in the Ragnarok. I wish we hadn't fought last night, and I wish he would've said what he was going to say.....  
I adjusted my turtle neck shirt, took my trench coat off the bed and pulled it on. I picked up my suitcases and stood there, just looking around at the room that I had lived in for the passed several years. Sighing, I turned and left.  
  
I protested everyone coming with me to the train station. I didn't want to have to say goodbye there. So, everyone waited with me as a Garden car was prepared for my departure. Cid said it would be all right, and that he would send someone for it later.  
I looked around at everyone, there was a face missing though.  
Squall.  
I turned to Selphie, "Where's Sqaull?"  
She shrugged, "I dunno. I haven't seen him since yesterday." I know Rinoa would have been a better person to ask, but she didn't come. She wasn't feeling well, so I had visited her earlier this morning. Besides, she probably didn't know either.  
I looked at the ground then at the faded suitcases. I was going to have a fun time dragging those around, but I can't complain. I was the one who didn't want the others coming with me to Balamb.  
"It's all ready." the young man said shutting the gas tank's door. I nodded and turned to everyone. They all looked groggy and tired, I guess because we were out so late last night.  
I hugged everyone again, and after exchanging our goodbyes, I loaded up the car and drove off. Looking in the rearview mirror, I saw that they were already leaving the parking lot.  
  
The train was late. I had to wait in the rain with about a dozen other soggy people. My hair was plastered, and I started to shiver. It was so cold. I heard groans from the other people as the train finally appeared. I picked up my suitcases and got line with everyone to board.  
The train car was nice and warm at least, it felt so cozy inside. I put my luggage in the seat beside me and sat beside the window. I looked out at all the people saying goodbye to each other. A man and woman were hugging and kissing each other goodbye on the other platform. I started to ache with envy...but maybe one day.....  
I was startled when the train jerked, then slowly got going. Oh well, I'm going to miss this place....  
I was about to turn away from the window when something caught my eye. Something black.  
I looked to see Squall come running out from the station. He stopped and gazed at the train with a look of defeat, the rain soaking him, and making the fur collar on his coat mat together, his hair clinging to his face. I was surprised that he saw me... We stared at each other as the train pulled me farther and farther away. I pressed my hands against the glass, and watched his form turn into a blotch, then disappear.  
After a while, I pressed my forehead against the window and closed my eyes.  
"...Goodbye......."  
  
To be continued.........  
  
Author's note: Hiya! What do you think Sqaull wanted to tell her? And why did he send her flowers? So until I finish writing chapter 2, see ya, and thank you for reading !  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Thoughts & Memories

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, or any characters therein. The plot for this story is from my own imagination though. YAY Squaresoft!  
  
Author's Note: Thank you to the people who reviewed this story! I'm going to keep going, and since school's over, I'm going to make sure I get this finished! So here I go for Chapter 2!  
  
  
All I Really Want   
(Chapter 2:Questions & Memories)  
  
I lazily blinked my eyes.   
So tired......  
I stretched and yawned. This trip was taking a lot longer than I expected it would. I guess since I'm so used to the Ragnarok. I mean with that thing, it's just *BAM*, and you're where you want to be. Conventional travel is so much slower.....  
I glanced around at all the other passengers. They looked just as bored as I was, and many of them had already drifted off. I sighed in envy. I wish I could get some sleep, I can't seem to get my mind to be quiet. I'll be on the tip of consciousness, about to fall, then all of a sudden I have thoughts and questions break their way through and pull me back to reality. I really hate my brain sometimes. Right now, I wanted to just escape and not analyze or worry about anything, because that's what I've been doing for the passed hour and a half.....  
I'm having doubts...  
Lots of doubts...and fears.  
It's all Squall's fault. If he hadn't come running out of that train station, and if he hadn't looked at me so sadly with those gray eyes I wouldn't be having the trouble I am now..It's driving me crazy. What was he trying to say? Was he trying to stop me from leaving? He came to the train station in hopes of....what?   
No. It's my fault. I have to let go and face the future. Yeah, my new life away from everyone. It's what I wanted isn't it? Yup, it's what I want..... At least, I hope that's what I want...  
Augh! Quistis pull yourself together!  
I propped my chin on my hand and looked out the window. Nothing interesting outside, that's for sure. The train was still running underground, making it so that all I could see was a cement wall going by my window at an extremely high speed. I sighed and sat back drumming my fingers on one of my suitcases beside me. Xu was right, I am impatient.  
I wonder what's going on back there right now? What's everyone doing? Do they miss me?  
What's Squall doing? Does he miss me..?  
Oh there you go thinking about him again girl!  
I sighed. What if I made a mistake leaving? What if I wasn't supposed to do all of this? Maybe when I reach Deling, I'll just get on the next train back to Balamb.   
But.......  
What am I hoping to find if I return? I guess I'm hoping Squall will welcome me with open arms.....and tell me he lo-  
........Get real.......  
As if that's what would really happen, I am delusional. And what am I some sort of hussie? He's already with Rinoa, and their relationship's already been established. Besides, I don't think I could ever be the kind of person Squall really needs. He needs someone like Rinoa to help him really live. I tried to be that person for so long, and failed. So there you have it; conclusive proof that I'm not the one.....  
Oh Hyne that's depressing....  
I pulled one of my smaller suitcases onto my lad and opened it up. After rummaging through it for a few moments, I found what I was looking for.  
My photo album.  
I ran my index finger over the silver embossed letters on the cover that read, 'Memories'.   
Xu had given this to me for my tenth birthday, saying that it was so I could cherish my childhood. At the time, I had just given her a strange look and a forced 'thank you'. I think I really wanted teddy bear, but now that I'm older I know that this was actually a very good present. Xu was a smart little kid. Ever since myself and the others had realized our memories were slowly fading, I've been looking in this album trying to recall and keep what memories I have left. It's a good thing I have this or else I don't think I'd remember my childhood at all.  
I opened up the album to the first page. There was a picture of me holding my whip. I was holding out in front of me with both hands and looking at the camera with a strange face. I think I was trying to look menacing or something.   
I chuckled, I must have only been eleven when that was taken. I looked at the picture below it and furrowed my brows. I was standing beside a blond boy about the same height as I was. It looked like we were in the cafeteria. After another moment of staring at the picture, I realized who it was. I rolled my eyes and smiled, I should of known at the sight of the hot dog the boy was holding up in the air. Oh man, I guess Zell will never change. Come to think of it, I don't really remember talking or being around him until I had to teach a few of his classes. How odd.  
I flipped the page. There was a picture of me and Xu in the Quad. There was some sort of party in the background......a Garden Festival? Yeah, that's it. We were all dressed up in our Garden uniforms. I looked at the picture below it, and to my surprise it was Seifer, me, and Squall about thirteen-fourteen years old. Those to had each other in head locks, and it looked like they were yelling, and there was me in the background with a desperate look on my face, trying to break them up as usual.  
Sigh....  
I flipped the page. My eyes widened with surprise.  
It was a picture of me and Squall....and he was...smiling? It looked like we were in the field just outside of Balamb Garden. I knew this because I could see Balamb faintly on the horizon. We looked to be about the same age as we were in the last picture, but the thing that's surprising me most is that.......he's got his arms around me.  
I don't remember this.... Chances are, neither does he.  
My head's leaning on his shoulder and, of course I'm smiling.   
I'd probably turn into a heap on the ground if I got that close to him now.  
I am so pathetic...  
I flipped the next page, and something fell onto my lap. It was the lily I wore yesterday. When did I put it in here?  
Now I'm losing my short term memory...how grand. Ugh.  
Oh yeah, I put it in here this morning before I left. The petals were still smooth, but they were drying on the edges.   
  
'It's hard enough to leave as it is....Stop doing this to me, before I change my mind.'  
'What? What are you saying?'  
'If you wanted to tell me, you should of done it earlier. Before Rinoa ca-..'  
'N-NO! That's not it!'  
'Oh I-I...I didn't..'  
'It's-----  
I---  
I'm just going----  
Forget it.'  
'What? What is it?'  
'Nothing! It's nothing!'   
'Don't yell at me like that!!! I just want know what's going on!'  
'Forget it!! Forget everything!! Just leave! You can't wait can you!?'  
  
I closed my eyes as the memory of mine and Squall's fight replayed over and over again. I felt my eyes sting with tears. I can't believe that the last time we would talk, would turn into a yelling match.   
How many times has he told me off....shut me out......shoot me down..  
How many?  
All I wanted to give him was my love and friendship, even a little bit more, and yet he still was so cold...so cruel...  
Squall will be Squall.....  
I will be me....  
Nothing will change. Quistis Trepe will never get the happy ending....  
Sigh...  
My eyes were blinded by a sudden flash of light. I looked out the window and saw the ocean spread out before me. We were above ground again.... We'll probably be in Deling soon.  
Soon.  
I put the lily back in the album and put them in my suitcase. Others were stirring around me, gathering luggage and whatnot.  
I looked back outside at the landscape. It's beautiful...... Looking at the ocean always makes me feel a little more at peace with everything. Why I don't know, but I'm glad. It's good to know there's some kind of peace in a chaotic world.  
The landscape of Galbadia came into view. Not much longer now.  
I haven't been to Galbadia since that fateful day when Edea and Seifer were in that parade. I guess I just never felt the need to return, but now this place seems suiting as a place to go to get away.  
The train started to slow down. People started to stand up, ready to leave. I followed suit and grabbed all of my luggage. My knees were wobbly, I can't tell if it was from sitting for so long, or because I'm.....a little scared....  
I watched out the window as our train entered the dimly lit station. The train slowed more, then eventually stopped.  
Everyone began to file out. I hesitated though, not sure of myself again.  
C'mon Quisty! Don't be a chicken, you can do it! Let's go!  
I set my gaze and headed off the train with everyone else.  
  
The muggy air hit me like a ton of bricks as I entered the crowded station. I always hate it when it's like this. I always feel like I'm going to suffocate.  
I looked around for the stairs to get out of here. After finally spotting them, I pushed my way through the crowd to get to them.  
As I neared the bottom of the stairs, I stopped. I looked back at the trains, then back up the stairs.  
'Go talk to a wall.'  
I looked back at the trains.  
'....I was hoping you'd like them'  
Back at the stairs....  
'Forget it!! Forget everything!!'  
I've waited for him for so many years...like some kind of faithful dog..   
He's kicked and beaten my heart, yet I still waited for him....  
So much like a dog.....   
Just because he suddenly might start to care about me... He just assumes I'll still be there...  
Waiting for him.  
I'm not his dog. I have dreams, and wants, and needs too. Just because he suddenly says jump doesn't mean I'm going to ask 'how high?'  
I took a deep breath, and started walking up there stairs.   
Sorry Squall........  
  
  
Author's Note: Man, things are looking grim....but don't worry. heh heh. Sorry this chapter is so short, my brain's on "final exam mode", so. I hope you liked this chapter, and the next one will be coming soon. So until then, happy reading!  
Thank you!   
  
  
  
  



	4. A Rainy Day & the Missing Lion

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, or any characters therein. The plot for this story is from my own imagination though. YAY Squaresoft!   
  
Author's Note: Well, I think this story will be nearing a close real soon, so here's one of the final chapters....   
  
  
All I Really Want  
(Chapter 3: A Rainy Day & the Missing Lion)  
  
I got out of bed and rubbed my eyes. The sun is not my friend in the morning's.  
I trudged over and shut the curtain's leaving my room in darkness. I turned and looked around. It's my six month anniversary of living in Deling.  
Six months. Wow, I can't believe I've managed to survive here that long. Things are pretty different.  
I talk to Xu on the phone sometimes, maybe once and a while the others will give me a call and ask what's up. On my birthday about five months ago, everyone called me... y'know, except Squall.  
I still haven't spoken to him since our argument that seemed like eons ago. Why I don't know, I just never seemed to have the need to call him. I guess his feelings are mutual.  
I walked into my bathroom and turned on the tap. I needed to wake up desperately. A few of my friends wanted to take me out to celebrate, and I couldn't say no. I haven't really been out of the house for anything except to go to work. Working as a part-time cocktail waitress isn't all it's cracked up to be that's for sure. I'm just glad that I don't have to do it full-time, and it could be worse, I could be in some grungy bar in a back alley somewhere. I managed to get in at the Deling Hotel. I find it kind of funny that I'm working in the bar that Rinoa's mother met Squall's father in. Go fig.   
I only work so I have something to do. I mean between my severance pay from SeeD, and the paychecks that I had saved from before, I had plenty to live on.  
I splashed a big handful of cold water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror.  
I haven't changed too much.  
My hair's my usual length, I get it trimmed now and again. I don't wear it up like I used to now, I usually have it down or in some kind of funky bun.  
Relationship wise, I'm not as well off as I hoped I would be. Sure I've had boyfriends, but none of them felt right. I met most of them at my work. They were nice enough and everything, but I didn't feel that special feeling...what's it called again? Oh yeah...love. I gave up dating about a month ago. I guess I'm still hoping that somebody will come and proclaim their undying love for me. Just like in the movies, and the fairytales.  
...Whatever....   
  
After brushing my teeth and washing my face I headed for my closet. After looking through my wardrobe a hundred times, I finally decided on a black turtle-neck and a knee length blue skirt. I examined them for a moment. When have I worn these before?  
Oh. The skirt at the going-away party, and the shirt when I traveled here on the train. I shrugged, they'd be suiting for a day like today.  
I pulled them on and looked down at the pile of various footwear I had on my closet floor. My eyes caught on my old boots. Heh, these would be perfect. I slipped them on slowly, giving myself time to get used to them again. I haven't worn them since I was at Balamb Garden, and they felt surprisingly foreign. I stood up and walked around a bit. They were comfortable enough. Just as I was about to start putting up my hair, my phone rang. I gave an irritated sigh and picked it up.  
"Hello?"  
"Hey Quisty!"  
"Hi Nina." I said leaning against the wall, "What's up?"  
"Well, Dylan and Tera wanted me to call and ask where you wanted to go today."  
I shrugged and looked at the ceiling, "Uh.....I don't know. Why don't you guys pick?"  
She laughed, "But it's your day!"  
I smiled, even though I knew she couldn't see it, "I know, but you guys pick. It doesn't matter where we go to me."  
"O-kay. Whatever you want. We'll meet you in front of your building in an hour then."  
I nodded, "Okay. I'll see you guys then."  
"Bye!"  
"Bye."  
I hung up the phone and shook my head. Sometimes she reminds me of Selphie...  
I sat down on my couch and took the remote for my T.V. in hand. I turned it on and flipped through the channels. There's never anything good on Friday mornings. It's all trashy soap operas and talk-shows. Sadly, I'll stop and watch them sometimes in a moment of weakness. Something caught my eye. I flipped back to it and gripped the remote.   
"--Balamb Garden SeeD is reported missing this morning. Friends say he was last seen about three days ago heading for a training session near Balamb. He hasn't been seen since."  
I gripped the couch cushion I was sitting on with both hands.   
"Be on the lookout for a young man between eighteen to nineteen, 5'8'', brown hair, and gray/blue eyes. Last seen wearing black jacket, black pants, and a gray shirt. And once again, he was last seen around the Balamb area. We're asking for your help to bring this young man back home."  
I turned off the television. I could barely stand up my legs were so weak.  
"Squall....?" I whispered. It might not be him though. There are tons of people in the Garden that could fit that description......Then why do I have this nagging feeling deep inside...?  
Maybe I should call them and check... Calm down. If it is him, he's probably just fine. Yeah, I mean it's Squall for Hyne's sake! He's a big boy, he can take care of himself, so just calm down.   
I clasped my hands over my chest, "Deep breath.....deep breath.."  
I sat back down on the couch debating on whether I should call the Garden or not.   
  
I must have sat there for a long time, because the sound of the buzzer on my intercom sang. I groggily sat up, I must have fallen asleep.  
"H-el-lo!!!" I heard I cheery voice sing. It must be Nina. I looked toward the intercom, then at the clock on my VCR I was supposed to meet them ten minutes ago. I stretched and got up, stumbling toward the noisy little piece of machinery.  
I pressed the button, "Hello?"  
I heard an exasperated sigh in the other end, "You ARE in there! We've been waiting out here forever!"  
"S-Sorry..."  
"Are you okay? You don't sound so good." she said with a touch of concern.  
"Y-Yeah, I'll be down in a minute."  
I let go of the button and headed toward my coat rack. I pulled my black denim jacket off of it and pulled it on.  
Was that all a dream? Did I really hear that Squall might be missing?  
I shook my head, grabbed my purse and headed out the door.  
  
I saw Nina standing with her hands pressed against the glass of my apartment building's door. She smiled as she saw me come towards her. She turned around and waved her hand at something.  
I pushed the door open and came face to face with Nina, Tera, and Dylan. I met all of them at my work. Nina and Tera were fellow waitresses, and Dylan was the bartender. As I said before, Nina reminds me a lot of Selphie. She has the same hair and eye colour, only her hair is down to her waist, and she's only an inch or two shorter than I am. Tera had dark brown hair and really piercing blue eyes. The first time I saw them, I was startled, they seem a lot bluer than my own. Dylan, well he's got black hair and dark brown eyes. He's pretty tall I guess, about a couple inches taller than Squall anyway.  
"We thought we'd have to come in and break the door down." he jested shaking his head.  
I blushed and gripped my purse strap, "I was only ten minutes late. Besides, if you broke my door, I'd make you buy me a new one!"  
He shrugged and put his hands in his coat pockets. Tera chuckled and touched my shoulder.  
"C'mon. We'd better get going."  
I nodded, "Okay. Where are we going?"  
She smiled, "Just C'mon." She started pulling me towards the bus stop. Nina pushed me from behind.  
"Hey you guys!" I laughed trying to keep my balance.  
  
The whole bus ride was uncomfortable. I couldn't stop thinking about that news report I had seen.  
Was it Squall?   
That was the question I kept replaying in my mind over and over again. I should have called and asked Xu. Oh man I don't know.....  
I looked out the window. There were dark clouds on the horizon. It would probably be another spring storm. I sighed and rested my elbows on my lap. It still amazes me that I've been here for six months, half a year.  
Oh well. Time flies I guess.  
I felt someone nudge my arm. I looked to see Dylan.  
"This is our stop."  
I pulled my purse strap over my shoulder and followed them out of the bus.   
  
I looked up at the sign.  
" 'Café de Lune'? " I said more to myself than to anybody else, "When did this place pop up?"  
Nina walked in front of me, "A few days ago. Some people at the hotel recommended it." She held the door open and bowed. I walked passed her and chuckled, "Aw c'mon. Cut it out."  
  
I have to admit. This place was beautiful. The lighting was sort of dim, and there were booths semi-encased with short wooden barriers. There were some tables scattered around also. Various old day pictures and posters placed on the brick walls. There were a few people at the bar quietly sipping their drinks.  
I looked around to see that there were actually a lot of people in here. The atmosphere was buzzing with various conversations.  
I heard the others stop behind me.  
"This place is great!" Nina cried.  
"Sssh!" I heard Tera hiss.  
"Table for four?"  
We all turned to see a woman holding some menus smiling at us.  
"Yeah." Dylan answered.  
She nodded, "Follow me."  
"Um, could we get a booth?" I asked.  
She glanced over her shoulder and smiled, "No problem."  
A few people looked up from their tables as we walked by. We stopped beside a booth in the corner.  
"Just sit and relax. You're waiter will be with you in a second." the woman said gesturing toward the table.  
We all nodded and said thank you as we took off our jackets and settled in.  
I sat on the outside beside Tera. I picked up the menu and looked at it. Everything on here was a little expensive.  
"Are you all sure about this? I can buy my own..." I said peering over the menu. Dylan shook his head.  
"Nah, it's your day so we'll buy."  
I shrugged and kept reading.  
  
After we ordered, we sat and talked about work, how things were going. The usual.... I picked up my drink and took a sip.  
"You know Quisty..." Nina began, "You came from Balamb Garden right?"  
I put my drink down and nodded, "Why?"  
"Well, on early news they said a young man went missing from there a couple of days ago."  
I leaned my forehead on my hand, "I know....."  
"Oh yeah! I read that in the paper earlier today." Dylan said leaning his elbows on the table.  
"Do you have any idea who it might be?" Nina asked.  
I shook my head, "There's a lot of people that fit that description."  
"Yeah, but not everyone has the same name I bet." Dylan cut in.  
I sat up straight, "Name?"  
He nodded and started stirring his drink with his straw, "Yeah, they released his name in the paper. Some guy named Squall... I can't remember his last name though."  
I felt my eyes get wide.  
"Whoa! Are you okay? You're as white as a ghost!" Tera said.  
I grabbed my coat and purse, "I'm sorry you guys! I have to go!"  
I got up and hastily pulled my coat on.  
"Hey! Where are you going!" Dylan said grabbing my arm."  
I shook him off and pulled my purse over my shoulder, "To Balamb."  
"Why?! That's like two hours away from here."  
I shook my head, "That guy is one of my best friends. I'm going to go and see what I can do!"  
With that I apologized and raced out of the restaurant.  
  
I ran to the nearest payphone. My hands shook as I placed in the quarter and dialed the Garden's number.  
"Hello. Balamb Garden Switchboard."  
"Extension #104 please." I said nervously entangling my fingers in the phone chord. I heard thunder erupt from the heavens as a bolt of lightning streaked the formerly clear blue sky. The huge dark clouds that I had seen on the horizon earlier had made their way to the city. It started pouring cats and dogs.  
"Hello?"  
"Xu! Oh thank Hyne!" I said gripping the phone chord.  
"Quistis?! That you?"  
"Yeah! I heard on the news earlier, what's going on!?"  
There was silence on the other end.  
"Xu?" I asked.  
"It's true. We can't find Squall anywhere.."  
I shook my head, "Why'd you alert authorities? You know he can take care of himself!"  
"I know, but you don't understand! He left his Gunblade, his GF, his magic, everything! We found them in his room on his bed. Zell said he had told him that he was going for a training session in Balamb, then he just left. We haven't heard from him since!"  
I put my hand on my forehead, "Are you sure?"  
"What do you mean 'am I sure'? Of course I'm sure! The entire Garden's in a frenzy! There's SeeDs searching the island as we speak!"   
My legs threatened to give out, "Okay, I'll be there in two hours."  
"Quisty? What are you talking about?"  
"I said I'm coming."  
"But, what can you do?"  
I shook my head, "Just wait for me. I'll come and help."  
"If you insist. We'll be waiting."  
"Alright. I'll see you."  
"Bye.."  
I hung up the phone and headed towards the train station.  
  
I watched the oh so familiar sight of Balamb come into view, I looked at my watch.  
It was three o'clock. I looked back out the window secretly hoping I'd see Squall sort of just appear, but of course I saw nothing of the sort.  
  
As the train pulled into the station I readied myself to try and be one of the first one's off. I wanted to get to the Garden as soon as I could.   
I pushed my way through the unsuspecting passengers and managed to get out. I looked around the station and headed for the exit.  
As I ran down the station steps I saw Xu standing in front of a Garden car. She came rushing towards me.  
"Quistis!" she said opening her arms. I ran into her embrace and hugged her back. I pulled away and we headed for the car.  
"What's the current situation?" I asked getting in.  
She got in the drivers side and slammed her door, "We've been looking ever since yesterday morning, but we haven't found anything. It's like he just disappeared into thin air."  
She put the key in the ignition and started up the car, then put it in gear, and we were off.  
"He left everything behind?" I asked again. That was still hard to believe. Squall's Gunblade was his trademark, his pride and joy. Why in Hyne's name would he leave it if he were going to train?  
Xu nodded without looking away from the road, "Yes. He's pretty much defenseless right now, unless he can pack a hard punch."  
"That's so weird. He knows how dangerous it is to even step outside the Garden without any sort of offense." I said pointing out the window.  
  
When we entered the Garden Parking lot, we were greeted by worn out familiar faces. Zell, Selphie, and Irvine watched as Xu and I got out of the car and come towards them.  
Selphie ran up and hugged me.  
"Hi Selph.." I said as sweetly as I could. She was shaking all over. I looked up from her to Irvine and Zell. They looked terrible. There were dark circles beneath their eyes and they looked so much older than they had when I saw them last. They all must have not slept that much.  
"How are you guys holding up?" I asked as Selphie let go of me.  
The spunky Zell I had known was gone, and replaced by a weary young man. He shook his head.  
"Everyone's so tired..."  
I walked up and hugged him. He weakly hugged me back. I turned to Irvine. He looked different. He had cut his hair to a decent length, and was no longer sporting his cowboy ensemble. He now wore coat, brown shirt, and jeans.   
"How are you doing?" I asked.  
He waved his hand, "Pretty tired.."  
I walked over and hugged him too, then pulled back and headed for the parking lot exit.  
"Quisty?"  
I turned around and looked at Xu.  
"Where are you going?"  
I shook my head, "I'm going to check on Rinoa, then get set up for a search party."  
No one stopped me, or protested. They just let me leave.  
  
I got enthusiastic stares and welcomes as I made my way to the dorms. I would just wave, or say a quick hello. I didn't have time to chat.  
I turned my brisk walk into a run as I headed for Rinoa's room. If Selphie was that upset, I can't even imagine how frantic Rinoa must be right now. I suddenly felt a deep sympathy for her. Poor girl....  
I stopped in front of her door and knocked.  
"Rinoa? Are you in there? It's Quistis!"  
I heard the doorknob turn, and the latch click. The door slowly opened revealing Rinoa. She hasn't changed very much. The only thing was that her hair was now cut just above her shoulders. She looked absolutely shocked to see me.  
"Quistis? What are you doing here?!"   
I raised an eyebrow, "I heard Squall was missing so I came to help. I just wanted to come and check up on you before I set out looking for him."  
She shook her head, "Y-You're not supposed to be here..." she said under her breath.  
"What?!"  
She shook her head, "Never mind..."  
Something weird is definitely going on. Why aren't I supposed to be here? Then it hit me. I furrowed my brow and waved my hand in front of me, "What have you done with him?!"  
Her eyes widened in surprise "Huh?"  
"You heard me!"  
She grabbed my arm and pulled me inside, shutting the door behind us.  
I turned and looked at her. All my anger left my body as I looked into her dark eyes. She was looking at me with a calm, serene look, "I didn't do anything. I'm just as surprised as everyone else is."  
I felt the heat spread to my cheeks, "I'm s-so sorry, I---"  
She waved her hand, "You don't have to apologize. I know you're really worried too."  
I sighed in relief and sat down on her bed. I put my head in my hands.  
I heard her walk over and sit beside me. She touched my shoulder causing me to look at her.  
"You are really worried about him aren't you?" she said quietly.  
I nodded, "Of course I am......"  
"Quistis...?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Can I ask you a question, and I want you to answer me honestly okay?"  
I raised an eyebrow and slowly answered, "Sure..."  
"Do you love him?"  
My eyes widened. I could feel my face get really hot again.  
"I--uh....."  
She smiled at me serenely, "Do you?"  
"I...." To tell you the truth, I haven't really thought about it since I had set roots in Deling. I guess I just pushed the notion away so I could try and get by in life. So I could sleep at night without having a horrible ache in my heart...  
I slowly nodded and felt the tears in my eyes, "....I think I do....I really do."  
I felt her arms wrap around me and hug me tightly, "You'll find him then.... I guarantee it."  
Wow. She took it surprisingly well that I was head over heels in love with her boyfriend.  
Okay, now I know something is definitely going on. I know that if I were in her shoes I'd probably bitch slap me or something, but here she was hugging me. This is nothing like all those trashy talk shows said it would be.  
She released me from the embrace and stood up. I stood up to and looked at her. Something was missing...... what was it?  
"What's wrong she asked?"  
I shook my head "It's nothing... I better get going."  
She nodded, "Okay. Good luck."  
"Thanks." I smiled. I looked her over one more time, but still couldn't see what was missing.  
She walked me to her door and opened it. I stepped into the hall and turned back to look at her.  
"It was good seeing you again." she smiled.  
I nodded, "Too bad it was under these circumstances though."  
She chuckled softly and rolled her eyes, "Yeah...."  
There was a silence.  
"I wish you all the best Quisty." she said holding out her hand. I looked at her hand than at her.  
"Thank you." I said shaking her hand.  
"Bye."  
"Bye Rinoa." With that she waved and slowly shut the door....... Just as the door closed, my eyes caught on something silver.   
Her necklace.... That's what was missing!!!  
There was only one silver band on the silver chain.......  
Squall's ring was gone......  
  
Like I said I was going to, I got set up with a search party and helped look for the missing Commander well into the night. When we got to the point of collapsing, we ended up calling it a night. My clothes were all wrinkled and sloppy from all the hiking we did. All the search parties assembled at the front gate of the Garden.  
Cid and Xu stood in front of everyone. There were people sitting against the directory and the walls, they all looked half dead.  
"That's it everyone! We'll call it a night now. Go and get some rest!" Cid called out. As soon as he finished they were groans and sighs of relief. I stood up from where I had planted my weary body and headed for Cid.  
"What are you doing?" I asked stopping front of him.  
"Everyone's dead tired. I'm not going to get them to kill themselves. They need rest." Cid answered looking at me sympathetically."  
"But----" I began.  
Xu cut me off, "Quistis, we've searched the whole island. He's obviously not here, and that means he could be anywhere! It's a big world...."  
I clenched my hands into fists. She was right. Who knows where he could be now.  
She put her hand on my shoulder, "C'mon, we'll give you a ride home on the Ragnarok."  
I opened my mouth to protest, but was met with a firm stare from Xu. I gave in and nodded.  
"Is Selphie going to be able to drive that thing?" I asked.  
Xu nodded, "She got some rest while you all were out looking. Don't worry."  
Cid came over and put his hands on my shoulders, "Don't worry Quistis... I'm sure he'll turn up.."  
That's easy for you to say........  
I kept my pessimistic thought to myself though.  
  
I slowly sat down in my usual chair on the Ragnarok. It felt strange to me, but I didn't care. As long as I could sit down and rest......  
Irvine, Zell and Xu accompanied me on the ride home. They were sitting not too far away. I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting off.  
I'm so tired......  
All of my muscles ached and cried out for sleep. I'm going to have a helluva time getting up tomorrow morning...  
  
I felt a soft nudge on my arm. I groggily lifted my head to see Irvine.  
"We're here."  
I yawned and got up. I must have fallen asleep.  
"Are you going to be able to walk home? It's pouring rain, and you look pretty tired.."  
I waved my hand, "I'll be just fine. You guys go home and get some rest...."  
"'Kay Quisty. You get some rest too. You look terrible!"  
I nodded and put my hands on my hips, "Ha ha. Very funny."  
"Bye Quisty." Selphie said.  
"Bye everyone....." I said smiling weakly. I waved as I exited the dragon ship.  
  
Irvine wasn't kidding. It was pouring rain. I ran as fast as I could to get to my apartment building. It was a lot quicker to run there than take the bus. There were people loitering around under the cover of bus stops and in the doorways of buildings. I shivered, it was pretty damn cold outside.  
Checking my watch I realized it was midnight. I better call Tera and the others tomorrow first thing. I know that I must have seemed a little nuts earlier, just running off like that. I probably made them worry.  
I felt a wave of relief as I my building came into view. Ugh, finally some decent rest. First thing I'm doing is changing into some warm pajamas and crawling into my nice warm bed......  
As I neared the entrance, I slowed down.  
There was someone sitting with their head down just below the tenant directory. Poor guy, on a night like this...  
As I got closer, something inside of me stirred.  
I stopped in front of them and looked down. They weren't moving.  
"Uh? Sir?" I asked. No response.  
I got down on my knees so I was face to face with them, "Sir? Are you all right?"  
No answer. My heart was pounding in my chest. Why....? I don't know.  
I put my hand under their chin to lift their face. I could feel their pulse, and sighed in relief.  
I slowly lifted their head, "Sir are you----"  
My heart stopped. My eyes widened.  
I was looking into a pair of grey eyes. Very familiar grey/blue eyes.  
Tears slid down my face and mixed with the rain.  
"Oh Hyne........" was all I could get out...  
".....Quisty......" He shakily stood up. I got up too.   
I looked up at him, I couldn't seem to say anything. The words just wouldn't come. His brown hair was plastered to the sides of his face...his eyes..he reminded me of what he looked like six months ago when I saw him as my train pulled away.  
"..H-Hey..." he said sort of casually.  
"Squall...What are you doing here..?"  
He opened his mouth to say something, but he wavered. I almost fell back as he collapsed into my arms. He was really heavy, and I didn't know how long I could hold him. I strange scent wafted into my nostrils... one I was almost as used to as the scent of the ocean...  
Blood.  
I looked to see it trickling down the side of his face. He started to shake and slowly stand up again. I noticed there was blood stains on his shirt too. What happened?  
He looked deep into my eyes, "....I found...you...finally....."  
I blushed, what's he talking about?  
"C-C'mon. We better get you inside and get those wounds looked at...." I put his arm around my neck, and put my arm around him for support and I helped him inside.  
  
To be continued.....  
  
  
Author's Note: Is it getting interesting? I sure hope so! Sorry if I got the whole month thing screwed up, just think of it as if Quistis left the Garden in late August. Next chapter will be coming real soon, so until then, I'll see ya! Once again, thank you for reading!  
  
  
  



	5. A Single Moment

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, or any characters therein. The plot for this story is from my own imagination though. YAY Squaresoft!  
  
Author's Note: Well, I'm back! This is the second last chapter, so that means this is gonna be over soon...  
*sniff* Oh well, I had a blast writing it! So here's Chapter 4!  
  
All I Really Want  
(Chapter 4: A Single Moment)  
  
  
I had a lot of fun trying to open my apartment door, and keep Squall from falling face first into the wall at the same time. After a couple minutes I finally managed to get the door open. I glanced around making sure no one was around, and I helped Squall inside.  
Thing is now, where am I going to put him?  
After a moment of thought I directed us toward my room. I opened the door with a soft nudge of my foot and helped him onto the bed. I took a deep breath and wiped my forehead. This was pretty hard work. I looked him over, trying to assess which wounds I should 'tend to first, then went to the bathroom in search of face cloths, and bandages. After a few minutes of rummaging through my medicine cabinet and sink cupboard, I came back with what I needed.   
As I headed toward the bed, my head felt incredibly light. I stumbled and braced myself on the wall for a moment..... I am so tired.....  
I looked at Squall. He had fallen asleep. I wish I could get some sleep too, but it'll have to wait. Letting out a tiny groan, I headed toward the side of the bed and flicked on the lamp on the night stand. I looked around for something to sit on, and ended up dragging a chair in from the table in my living room.  
I sat down, and slowly reached my hand toward him, but I hesitated. I was almost afraid to touch him. I guess because ever since I remember, he seemed untouchable, invincible. It's strange to see him in such a sorry state. He didn't even look this worn out when he had gotten the scar on his forehead.   
Fighting the little demons in my head, I brushed back his hair with my hand and started wiping away the blood that was caked around his forehead and hairline. I found the source was a gash a few inches above his temple. It wasn't very big, so I guess the bad ones are the ones on his chest, unless he's become incredibly soft in the last couple of months. I unrolled some bandage and carefully lifted his head up so I could wrap them around.   
This would be a lot easier if he wasn't asleep!   
I sighed and fastened the gauze, then got up and headed for the bathroom to soak another face cloth.   
When I returned, Squall was awake and touching the bandages on his forehead.  
"So the sleeping beauty has awakened!" I said chuckling as I stood at the foot of the bed. He sat up a little and looked at me,  
"Where am I?"  
I walked over and sat back down on the chair beside the bed, "You're in my room."   
He blinked and looked around.  
"You don't remember the trip up here do you?"  
He furrowed his brows, but didn't answer me.  
I sighed again, "Well, since you're awake, I'm gonna have to ask you to take your shirt off."  
I almost burst out laughing at the look he gave me. Maybe I should have phrased that a little differently.  
Shaking my head I held up the bandages, "You have some pretty nasty wounds on your chest do you not?"  
He looked away, "I'm fine."  
Hah! Whatever.  
"If you're so fine, then why did you practically pass out?" I pointed at his blood-stained shirt, "And I suppose those are just ketchup stains...."  
He didn't answer me.  
"C'mon. don't make this difficult." That got him. He sighed and pulled off his jacket. I took it from him and put it over the back of the chair. When I turned back to him he was just sitting there.  
"The shirt too." I said crossing my arms.  
He gave me a sour look, "I'm fine, really."  
I rolled my eyes, "I'm not going to take advantage of you or anything." He growled and hesitantly pulled his shirt off, and put it on the bed beside him. To my surprise he looked a little sheepish.   
I suddenly felt my face get hot... No, I won't let that interfere with the task at hand.  
I swallowed hard and reached for the damp cloth.   
"Did you ever make it this hard for the infirmary doctors?" I said more as a comment than as a question. I was implying it as a joke to loosen him up, but judging from the fact that he looked away, I guess my attempt at humor didn't work.  
I was right. The bad wounds were on his chest. His whole upper body was covered in dry blood.  
What the hell happened? There were gashes here and there.  
Did he just stand in front of some Fastitocalon and say, 'Come and get me'? In any case, I got to work and cleaned him up the best to my ability. I suddenly felt very thankful I had gotten first aid lessons from Dr. Kadowaki a long time ago.   
I sat back and looked him over.   
Almost worthy of Dr. Kadowaki herself. I had a little grin of satisfaction as I got up and collected all of the items I had brought out of the bathroom.  
"I'm done." I said as I stood up. I tried to contain my giggle as Squall hastily pulled his gray t-shirt back on. It was funny to see him all shy.  
I returned everything to it's rightful place. As I was about to exit the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Oh Hyne I looked awful. My hair was all disheveled, my clothes wrinkled and dirty. I looked like I've been to Hell and back. Oh well.....  
I returned to find Squall trying to get out of bed. I rushed over and blocked his path.  
"Where do you think you're going?" I said in the tone I haven't used since I was an instructor, "You should rest."  
He tried to push me aside, "I'm fine.... I'm just going to walk around for a bit....."  
"Nuh uh, get some sleep. Besides, it's really late anyway."  
He gave up and sat back down on the bed, "You haven't changed much..." he said with a little grin.  
I blinked and scratched my head, "What are you talking about?"  
"You can still sound like an instructor from Garden when you want to."  
At the mention of the Garden, I remembered where, and what I had been doing for the passed nine hours.   
I sighed, and reached for the phone on the night stand, "Speaking of the Garden, I better call them and tell them you're alright...."   
He reached over and grabbed my hand.   
"Don't......" he said.  
I looked at him, "What?"  
"I said don't call them."  
"Why? They're all worried about you! They've been searching the entire Balamb area for you!"  
He just stared at me, "I don't want them to know where I am....."  
I raised an eyebrow, "Are you serious. You're going to let everyone worry about you? What about Rinoa? You don't think that she's wondering what happened to you." I remembered Rinoa's odd behavior back at the Garden. Was she worried about him? I couldn't tell, she ended up changing the subject by asking me if I loved----  
Oh yeah.  
I cleared my throat and suddenly became aware of Squall's hand on mine. I slowly pulled my hand back, unsure of what to do now. A part of me wanted to call and inform Garden, but another part of me didn't want to. Mainly, I wanted to know what was going on. I decided I wouldn't ask him now, I'll let him recover a little first. But why doesn't he want the Garden to know he's okay? This is really strange....  
"Fine." I said standing up. Squall looked incredibly relieved when I said that.   
"You better have a good reason for taking off from there." I said crossing my arms, "If you had any idea what kind of state the Garden's in right now."  
He just sat there. Silent.  
I leaned down so we were eye level.  
"Just promise me you'll call them tomorrow. You know Cid would have let you gone on leave of absence if you had asked him, instead of taking off....."  
He shook his head, ".............."  
I tried to look as sympathetic as possible, although secretly I'm absolutely furious with him, but I'm pretty happy that he's here and safe.  
"Promise me. Please?"  
He slouched a little, "Fine then...." he said staring into my eyes. I smiled as nicely as I could and put my hand on his shoulder.   
"Well, get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning.." I stood up straight and turned toward the door.   
"Don't you want your bed back?"   
I shook my head, "Nah. I'll sleep on the couch." I continued toward the door.   
"Good night." I said turning back to look at him. He nodded, which I assumed was a response. I shut the door behind me and leaned on it. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes.......  
I still have so many questions I want to ask, but I'm so damned tired....  
  
I groggily stumbled toward my couch and started pulling all the pillows and cushions off of it. Stopping only to yawn, and thank the heaven's that my couch was a pull out, I managed to get the bed set up. I stacked the cushions neatly beside it, and dropped all the pillows at the head of it. If only I had my pajamas.......  
No, Squall's probably asleep already, I won't disturb him.   
I pulled off my soaking wet boots and put them beside the door. Taking off my jacket I realized that there were two sets of muddy footprints leading into my bedroom.   
Dammit......   
Screw it. I'll clean them up tomorrow. I shut off the light and made my way back to the couch bed.   
I think I fell asleep before my head even hit the pillow.....  
  
I awoke the next morning to the sound of my television set. I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes. Looking to my right, I saw Squall sitting in my old easy chair flipping through the channels... This scene looked so odd. I never would of thought in a million years that he'd ever watch television.  
That's so stupid, why do I assume things like that? I guess I don't know him as well as I should.  
"What time is it...?" I asked leaning back on my hands.  
There was a delayed silence, then Squall answered, "Eleven.."   
I stretched and pulled the sheet I had used as a blanket off of me. I was still sort of tired, but in all honesty, I think over ten hours sleep was good enough. I swung my legs off the side of the bed and sat there for a moment. I should call Nina and the others first off to tell them everything's alright.   
There's something I'm forgetting. What else was I supposed to do today?  
Oh. Go to work. That's not 'til 7:00 though.  
I slowly stood up and headed for my bedroom. Shutting the door behind me, I started to undress.  
I definitely need a hot shower, I probably smell like I went on a safari through Kashkabald Desert. I ran around a lot yesterday, looking all over that island for someone who ended up on my doorstep.  
Ugh.... All of that for nothing. Oh well, at least he's not dead in a ditch somewhere.  
I stepped into the shower and carefully turned on the water, making sure I don't freeze, or scald my self to death. I bent down and pushed up the little sliding button on top of the tap, I felt the warm water trickle onto my back, then gradually get stronger and turn into a spray. It felt so nice on my skin, and I could've probably just stood in there for hours....  
  
I threw my dirty clothes into the laundry basket on the floor of my closet. It was starting to get full.....I better get going and wash that stuff...  
Speaking of laundry, Squall probably needs one pretty bad. Between the blood and the dirt, his clothes are probably a disaster....  
I grabbed a blue shirt with 3 1/4 length sleeves off of a hangar, pulled it on, and walked over to my dresser. Rummaging through the drawers, I found my pair of jeans and I slipped them on.   
I went to grab the laundry basket when I realized something.  
Squall's gonna need something to wear if I'm going to wash his clothes......... I don't think I have anything for him, unless--  
I reached up to the top shelf in my closet and pulled down a large rectangular box.   
These were going to be a present for Dylan's birthday...... But it's still a couple weeks away, I'll just get him something else.  
I opened the box and pulled out the beige khakis, and navy blue t-shirt. These cost me a bundle too... I can't believe how much they charge for clothes now a days...  
  
I opened the door, and found Squall still sitting in front of the T.V. He didn't even acknowledge my presence until I tossed the clothes at him.  
"Change into those.." I said setting down the basket. He looked at them with confusion then looked at me.  
"Why?"  
I put my hand on my hip, "You're clothes are a mess! I'm going to go and do my laundry anyway, so I figured I'd wash your clothes while I'm at it."   
He looked at the clothes again and examined them.  
"Will they fit..?" I asked.  
He shrugged and headed to my room. I stepped out of his way and watched him shut the door.  
Deciding there's no point in just standing there, I crossed the room to my kitchen. Some tea or something wouldn't be too bad right now....  
  
I had finished the last bit of the hot liquid when I heard the latch on my bedroom door click. I looked up from my cup and watched the door swing open. Squall stood there, changed, with his old clothes in his arms. I giggled. He had the oddest look on his face. It looked like a cross between embarrassment and anger. I don't know why... I thought he looked kinda cute....  
"What's the matter?" I asked standing up.  
He didn't answer me, just shook his head. I shrugged and brought my empty mug into the kitchen. As I walked by the phone that hung on the pass through between the living room and kitchen, I remembered I had to call Nina. I should do that before I leave, or else I'll forget again.  
I placed the mug in the sink and returned to the phone.   
"I've gotta make a phone call, I'll just be a sec..." I called to Squall as I picked up the receiver. He was just sort of just standing by the door leading to the hall. He nodded and leaned against the wall.  
Hmm, he hasn't changed much. Still a man of few words..... Even less words than usual. I shook my head and dialed the number.  
It rang a few times, then I heard someone pick up.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi Nina..."  
"Quisty! Where in the name of everything holy have you been?!"  
I leaned my hand against the wall beside the phone, "I got back into town around midnight last night."  
"Really? Where did you go?"  
I rolled my eyes, "Balamb....."  
There was a silence, then a slow, "....Oh........"  
"Anyway, I just wanted to call and tell you that I'm fine and that I haven't gone crazy..."  
I heard her chuckle, "Okay then...... Hey! Did you guys find that guy?"  
I looked at Squall. He was staring at me with a strange look in his eyes.   
"Uh----N-No. Nothing yet." I answered. I mentally kicked myself for stuttering when I said that.  
"Oh...well I'll have my fingers crossed for you!"  
I smiled, "Thanks...So I'll call you later okay?"  
"Okay...See ya!"  
"Bye." I hung up the receiver and rubbed my forehead. Why'd I lie to her?   
I took a deep breath and walked toward the door, scooping up the laundry basket on the way. Squall stepped out of my way and let me leave first.  
  
We were both silent the whole way down to the laundry room. It made me uneasy.... I hope he's not gonna be like this the whole time. I'll go mad!  
We walked down the ground floor hall. I stopped in front of the door and pushed it open. To my surprise, there wasn't anyone else in here. Usually when I come to do my laundry, I have to share the room with about four or five other people...  
I live in a pretty big building.  
I set the basket down on one of the washers and opened up the machine next to it. In one quick motion I grabbed the basket and dumped all the contents in the machine. Turning to Squall, I held out my hand.  
"Can I see your jacket?"  
He nodded, somewhat hesitantly, and handed it over. Checking to see if there was a tag was no good, 'cause there wasn't one..  
"How do you wash this...?" I muttered. It was leather, so I assumed you can't really put it in the machine. I set it aside and motioned for Squall to put his other items of clothing in. He complied, and I got the washer going.  
"....What about my jacket?" he asked looking at it.   
I waved my hand, "I'll hand wash it for you....."   
"I can do this kind of stuff myself you know...."  
I blushed and shook my head, "It's alright, I don't mind."  
"...Whatever..."  
  
Waiting for this stuff to finish is so long and boring..... but at least when I'm in here with other people we can strike up a conversation about something to pass the time.... I sat up on top of one of the washers and leaned my chin on my hands. Squall was across from me, against the wall with hims arms crossed.  
"So Squall....." I started, "When are you going to call the Garden?"  
He looked up, "You're still bugging me about that..?"  
"You know you're going to have to."  
".............."  
I sat back against the wall and crossed my arms, "Why did you leave there anyway? I mean, what possessed you to take off and leave all your worldly possessions behind?"  
I half expected to not get an answer, and get the usual, 'None of your business'...  
"Long story..." he answered to my surprise.  
I smiled, "Indulge me. Believe me, we've got plenty of time."  
He shook his head, "Not right now."  
"Why not?"  
"I don't feel like talking about it."  
"Why?"  
"I just don't...."  
"OH.... So it's you again. I remember you. You're the one the told me to go and talk to a wall."  
He just sort of gave me an awkward look, "When did I say that?"  
I shrugged, "In the Secret Area after the SeeD inauguration party.."  
He raised an eyebrow, "How do you remember this kind of stuff...?"  
I wagged my finger, "It's a woman thing."  
To my utter astonishment, he chuckled. Well it's comforting to know he's not completely made of stone.  
"How far back do you remember?" I asked.  
He shrugged, "Not that far...."  
I raised an eyebrow, "How far is 'not that far'?"  
"I don't know, just not far."  
Grr.... I'm getting a little frustrated here. How can you have a conversation with someone who keeps avoiding saying more than eight words?  
I gave up trying and slid off the washing machine, my behind was numb form sitting on it for so long.  
"I remember as far back as I was about twelve..." I said turning to the washing machine. The clothes were ready for the dryer now.  
"But anything before that is a blur, and I'm even having trouble with things in between." I said walking over to a vacant dryer and opening it.  
"Maybe now that I don't use GF's anymore----" I heaved out the dripping load of laundry, "--I'll remember a little more, day by day..." I shoved them into the dryer and started it up.  
I turned toward the only window in the room and stared at it.  
"I still think that it's not fair that we didn't really have a childhood...."  
"What do you mean...?"  
I looked at him then walked up to the window, "Well... I talk with the friends I've made here, and they all have such great memories of their family, and their childhood..... but---"  
I turned back to Squall, "I feel so left out... I can't remember what my family was like, or if I had any brothers or sisters... Or what life in the orphanage was like either... It feels like I skipped that whole period of time and grew up..."  
I looked away and leaned against the wall, "It just seems like we got cheated out of our innocence......"  
Squall didn't say anything.   
I glanced at him for a moment, then at the dryers, "Do you feel that way too....?"  
"....Maybe....A little..."  
I looked at him, "Yeah?"  
"....Yeah..."  
There was a silence. Not an uncomfortable one.... It was more of a reflecting time I suppose.  
"Is that why you left?"  
"Huh?"  
"Is that why you quit SeeD and moved here? To remember..?"  
I shouldn't have to answer that, I mean, he dodged my earlier questions....but what the hell, it'll be nice to finally talk to someone who can sort of relate..  
I shook my head, "Not one of the original reasons...... It sort of just popped into my head a few months ago..."  
"Then....why?"  
I looked into his eyes. They seemed so... so child-like, almost fearful, yet sad. I felt my heart melt a little.  
I smirked, "Long story...."  
He scratched his head, "Oh yeah....."  
I giggled and crossed my arms, "I don't know... I just didn't feel like it was right anymore..."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well---- I... It's hard to explain......" What words could I use to explain what has been running through my head for so long?  
"I guess it's that, being in Garden, becoming a SeeD, an instructor, a rebel leader, a sharpshooter, and so on ...was part of some sort of laid out destiny for all of us. It was meant to be that all of us would meet again, come together and save the world.." It's still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that we saved the world, "And after we fulfilled the last task of saving the world, we would have a new destiny. I did my part.... and realized the night of the festival that being in SeeD was no longer needed, or wanted by me. It was my destiny to fight, but not forever. So, I left, and I hope to one day make a new destiny for myself...."  
He sort of smirked, "And what kind of destiny would that be..?"  
I blushed. That's something that I would probably never work up the nerve to say aloud... especially to him...   
"Do you believe in destiny...?" I asked sort of sheepishly.  
"...I----"  
I looked at him. I was opening a lot of my heart to him today.....but not all of it... He looked at me then at the floor.  
"I...don't know."  
"How come....?" It would just make everything worth it if he would open up...just this once...  
".............." he shrugged, "....I guess, I used to always think that we made our own destiny...... I remember Cid told me a long time ago that it was my destiny to lead the army against the sorceress... To be the leader, the hero.... I didn't want that though... I hated the idea that we didn't have a choice in our life... that everything was preset for us to follow, like a train on its tracks. It seemed so unfair and cruel to have people follow a plan that they had no say in, or any idea what will happen to them in the end......"  
I clasped my hands over my chest and felt my heart beat. It's rhythmic tone was getting a little faster. I feel so much better now, that he's finally spoken, and confided in me. What he thinks about sometimes. His views...  
"I don't know, I think that we do have a set path for a time in our lives, but after we've walked that path, we're free to live as we choose.... It seems to make sense that way..."  
He nodded slowly, "Maybe you're right......."  
Maybe...just maybe this was the moment I've been waiting for....maybe I should open my whole heart up to him.. Maybe it's time I say what I really feel.......  
"...When I saw Rinoa at the Garden yesterday..." I began.  
Squall looked at me.  
"Her necklace..... You're ring was gone." I started blushing furiously, "I was just wondering..... why?"  
He looked away, "Well-----I---"  
I took a few steps closer, "What....?" He stood up straight and looked into my eyes. It felt like he could see into me..... Like we were connected for that moment...And I wished...I wished it could last forever........  
His features softened.... he opened his mouth to speak then.........  
The door flew open.  
Some people filed in and started to take their places at the various washing machines.  
The moment was gone.   
Squall looked away, making me feel so alone and empty..... I looked at the floor.  
I wanted to cry right there..... What if a moment like that never happens again? The thought was too much to bare.....  
The buzzer on the dryer went off knocking me out of my wretched thoughts. I opened it up and dropped all the clothes into the basket. They seemed a lot heavier than they did when I first brought them down.  
"We better get going......" I said sullenly as I walked ahead towards the door. I could hear Squall's footsteps behind me.  
Trying to balance the basket on my knee, I struggled to open the door. He came up beside me.  
".....I..I can carry that if you want.." he said pointing to the basket.  
I shook my head and looked at him, "You don't have to... I'll be fine.."  
He reached out and lifted it away from me, "It's alright.......I want to...."  
I stood there for a moment and smiled. To my surprise, he smiled right back.   
"Thank you....." I said.  
For everything........  
  
I sat in my room for a long time after we returned to my apartment. I was trying to nap a bit more, and I think I succeeded because when I looked out the window, the sun was already low in the sky.   
Squall was in the other room calling Garden no doubt. He said he would talk to them in the evening.   
I know I forced him to do it. After all, everyone's still afraid he's dead somewhere...  
But, I don't want him to leave......  
It would be nice if he could stay here.....y'know..with me.  
I shook my head sending away the notion... That's just silly....  
I glanced at my watch. It was a lot later than I thought. It was already 6:00. Time to get ready for work....  
I brushed my hair and put it up into a bun. I pulled out a few hairs, framing my face.   
Grabbing my uniform out of the closet, I stopped and looked at it.  
It suddenly reminded me of the outfits the waitresses at all the SeeD parties had worn. It was a white button-up shirt with a collar, a true blue coloured vest, and a black skirt that came to about mid-thigh, and of course the black tie. I remember the first time I wore it, I was so self-conscious. I was really afraid about my first day of work. I had never had a job like this before.. I've been training to be a SeeD pretty much my whole life.  
I didn't spill any drinks on anyone, or trip over anything....so the day had turned out just fine.   
I slipped it on and looked in the mirror. It took me forever to learn how to do up the tie properly. Tera helped me though. After I finally got it done up I stepped back and looked myself over.   
Who knew I'd leave behind one uniform, and end up getting a another one?  
I exited the bathroom and stepped into my black high heels. Yet another hurdle that took me forever to jump.. I'm just glad I only have to wear them for work.   
Apparently tonight some singer is starting their career in our lounge.  
I hope they're good. I had to listen to one sing for hours, and I thought my headache would never go away, but I felt so awful for them because they were trying so hard.   
I went to open my door when I faintly heard Squall talking.  
He must still be talking to Cid...  
I leaned against the door and checked my watch, It was only 6:20. I guess I can wait 'til he's done..... I sighed and closed my eyes, I hope I'll be able to concentrate tonight. Between everything that's happened in the passed few days it might be a little hard to keep my mind on track.  
"...I....ow.." I heard. I could only catch bits and pieces of what he was saying.  
".....o....am I.." I raised and eyebrow. I never realized how strange some things could sound... This sort of reminds me of the time we stayed at Balamb hotel, and listened to Zell talk to the Library girl the next morning.  
"...I.....ure.."  
What IS he talking about anyway..? My curiosity was getting the better of me, I pressed my ear against the door, but found that it still didn't help.. I heard a lot more gibberish for the next few minutes, then judging from Squall's tone a voice a think he was wrapping up the conversation. I wonder how long he's been talking to them.....?  
I heard the sound of the receiver being hung back up. I waited for a few moments, so it didn't seem like I had been listening, then I opened the door.  
He was sitting on the couch, arms crossed, with his nostalgic frown.  
"...I called Garden." he said without looking up.  
"....Yeah? What did they say?"  
"Not much."  
My heart sank, we're right back to square one...oh man...  
I shook my head and headed towards the door, "Well, are you going to be fine here on your own for a while?" I turned back and looked at him.  
He furrowed his brow and looked at me. He sort of looked me up and down and answered, "Why?"  
I grabbed my jacket off the coat rack and pulled it on, "I have to go to work. I'll be back around 2:00.."  
"Where do you work..?"  
I blushed, "Waitressing at the bar in the Hotel."  
He kind of smirked, but then caught himself.  
I put my hands on my hips, "Go ahead and laugh.."  
He looked surprise, "I'm not laughing..."  
I scratched my head, "....Oh. Well anyway, you can have the run of the apartment while I'm gone. There's food in the fridge if you get hungry..."  
I snatched my purse off of the table and put my hand on the doorknob, "I'll see ya."  
"Bye." I heard him answer. I opened the door, stepped out into the hall, and shut it behind me. Sighing, I turned down the hall and headed for the elevator.  
  
"Hey there Quisty!" I heard Nina cry as I entered the lounge. I waved my hand and smiled.  
"You're a little early."  
I turned to see Dylan cleaning some wine glasses with a cloth. I shrugged and took off my jacket. I handed it and my purse to him.  
"Could you put these behind the bar? I don't feel like going to hang them up." He gave me an odd look and did as I asked. I looked around and realized there weren't any customers.  
"Where is everyone?" I asked. Usually at this time we have hotel guests and regulars filling the place.  
"You mean you like lugging around tray after tray of drinks?" Dylan asked in a sarcastic tone.  
I shook my head, "No. I just think it's odd no one's here...."  
He shrugged, "Just a slow night I guess..."  
"Maybe not." Nina said. I looked to see her pointing at the stairs. Some people were standing there looking the place over.  
"Must be tourists.." Dylan muttered setting down the wine glass.  
I leaned against the bar and watched Nina get them settled in. No matter what circumstances she's been under, she's always managed to greet the customers with a smile. I sighed. I wish I could do that. I'll have my moments sometimes when I get harassed by a rude customer who insists I messed up their order. Or there's the odd one who just treats you like dirt even if you didn't even speak one word to them.  
"Where's Tera?" I asked looking back to Dylan.  
"Got the night off..."  
That's strange, "Why?"  
He shrugged, "I don't know."  
"Oh you're a big help.." I said sarcastically.  
"I'm paid to pour drinks, not to be helpful..."  
I raised an eyebrow, "But, isn't pouring people's drinks, being helpful?"  
He stopped cleaning glasses and gave me a blank look. He blushed and scratched his head, "I guess...so."  
I chuckled and grabbed a tray off the counter. These things can hold a lot of glasses at a time. That's the problem though, you have to balance this thing so nothing spills all over the place. I've seen that happen once or twice, and it's not pretty...  
I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Nina, "The next one's are yours." she said motioning to the stairs again. I sighed and walked towards them.  
  
The night was going smoothly. Lots of people had shown up, I guess to hear the new entertainment. Though whoever that was hadn't shown up yet.  
After bringing over another drink tray, I returned to the bar and leaned on the counter.   
"Slow night huh?" I laughed at Dylan. He handed an elder gentleman a martini and came over to me.  
"So I'm wrong sometimes.." he smiled.  
I looked around, "What time is it?"  
He checked his watch, "...9:30.."  
"Isn't that new singer a tad bit late?"  
He shook his head, "They should be in any minute now."  
"I hope they'll be here soon......"  
"Yeah. They're not a singer though."  
"Really? That's what Dave said.." Dave works the earlier shift. If I come in early sometimes he'll still be here and we end up chatting for a bit.  
"Nah. This one's a pianist."  
I smiled. Hadn't Rinoa's mother been a piano player too? How nostalgic.....  
"What are you all smiley about?"  
I shook my head, "It's nothing. Just remembering something.."  
He raised an eyebrow then looked towards the door.  
"Speaking of that, there she is now." My eyes widened a little and I looked in the direction he was looking. I brown-haired woman in a shimmering black dress started to walk down the stairs. She was awfully pretty, and awfully nervous. I could see that her hand was gripping the railing of the stairs kind of hard. Poor thing, but she must have a lot of guts to come this far....  
Nina walked up and stood with us as we watched the woman take a seat behind the huge piano. She sat there for a moment and just stared at the thing, I guess trying to get as much concentration as she could. Then with a deep breath, she set her hands to the keys.  
I smiled, the sound that came from that old piano was beautiful... Almost sweet, yet a little sad. It's hard to describe it, but it was truly beautiful. I looked at Dylan and Nina. They were both smiling too. I guess that woman was nervous for nothing.....  
Everyone in the place stopped and listened. All you could hear through the whole lounge was the lovely music.  
Only after she hit the last key and sat back, did anyone move. Applause erupted throughout the room, and some people even yelled compliments and whistled. The girl just seemed to blush and smile.  
"Good for her...." Dylan said. I looked at him and then at the woman. He was just sort, staring at her with this grin on his face... Nina and I looked at each other and smirked. She elbowed him in the ribs and winked.  
"She's kind of cute isn't she..?" she said slyly. His eyes widened and I laughed as his face turned crimson.  
"W-What are you talking about..?" he muttered looking away.  
Nina giggled and grabbed her tray, "Oh nothing....." She gave me a smile and headed over toward one of the booths.  
The girl played into the night, the bar was pleasant, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.  
  
I waved to Nina as I made my way up the stairs. My shift was over, and I couldn't wait to get home.  
It's kind of strange, but I felt like I have someone to go home to..... Even if it wasn't in 'that way'  
But I can pretend can't I....?  
  
I unlocked the apartment door and slowly pushed it open.  
Squall's probably asleep....I don't wanna disturb him.   
To my surprise, I saw the soft glow of the television. I opened the door wider and stepped in, shutting it behind me. I smiled and tilted my head.  
Squall was sitting on the couch. His face downcast, and shoulders softly moving up and down with each breath. I wonder how long he's been asleep? He looked so peaceful...  
I quietly took off my jacket, purse and shoes, then tip-toed the best I could toward my room.. Just as I was about to step in....  
"Quistis..?"  
I stopped and turned around, "Hi."  
I made my way over and sat in the easy chair, "How long have you been sitting here..?"  
He shrugged and rubbed his eyes, "A while I guess...."  
I looked at the VCR clock, "It's almost 2:30 in the morning..... You should be getting some rest."  
"...Yeah, I know....but-" he crossed his arms, "-but I wanted...."  
I blushed, "Were you waiting up for me...?"  
He nodded slowly, "..Yeah."  
I blushed even more, "Thanks.... but you didn't have to.."  
He shrugged again and leaned back. He has a hard time admitting he's being thoughtful sometimes....   
I smiled, "Well, I'm going to get some sleep......" I stood up and headed toward my room. I hesitated then turned around to look at Squall, "Did you want my room? I don't mind sleeping on the couch again.."  
He looked up from the T.V. and shook his head, "It's alright."  
I shrugged, "Good night then..."  
"Good night.."  
I turned back to my room and stepped in shutting the door behind me.  
I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.  
What a wonderful day this has turned out to be.... I only hope tomorrow will be just as memorable...  
  
To be continued.......  
  
Author's Note: What did you think? The piano piece that I had in mind for that woman to play was Rydia's theme from FF4. If you ever get a chance, listen to it! It's really beautiful.   
Now, I know people are probably saying, 'When's this really gonna turn into a Quall?', but since this is, (as I said near the beginning of this chapter), the second last chapter, the wait will be over soon.. -_o  
So until the final chapter... I'll see ya, and thank you for reading!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. All I Really Want

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, or any characters therein. The plot for this story is from my own imagination though. YAY Squaresoft!  
  
Author's Note: Well, here it is. The last chapter.... Oh man, I can't believe it.  
  
All I Really Want  
(Chapter 5: All I Really Want)  
  
  
I rolled over groggily and covered my ears with my pillow.  
"Oh Hyne just shut up......" I muttered under my breath. My alarm clock was buzzing in that annoying way in which it seems only alarm clocks can......  
I reached my hand over and tried to find the off switch. After fumbling around with it for a few minutes I gave up trying and sat up, yawning.  
I hate mornings....  
Reaching over, I unplugged the noisy little piece of technology. At least now it would stop buzzing....  
Swinging my legs off the side of the bed I stretched and stood up. I'm glad I wore my shorts and t-shirt to sleep, the room was boiling hot last night.... Looking out the window, I sighed. It was a beautiful day, not a rain cloud in sight.  
I did my morning ritual; wash my face, and brush my teeth. I could probably do those in my sleep by now. I grinned a little...   
I think I have done those in my sleep a few times...  
  
As I neared my door, a strange smell wafted into my nostrils.....   
What is that? Is something burning......?  
I opened my door to be faced with a room full of smoke. I coughed and covered my nose with the neck of my t-shirt. Looking around, I couldn't see Squall anywhere...  
Where did he go?  
I quickly crossed over to the kitchen, the source of the smell and the smoke....  
  
"Dammit...." I heard someone scowl.  
I rubbed my eyes. Squall was standing there muttering an array of curses under his breath.  
Looking around...I noticed the various dishes lying here and there....   
My kitchen.. It was a disaster!!!!  
"What happened....?" I asked.  
Squall turned around and coughed, "Nothing much....."  
My eyes widened a little and I looked around again, "I dunno, looks like you've been busy......"  
He kinda scratched his head and turned back to whatever he was doing. I pulled my nose out of my t-shirt and set to opening all my windows..... I can't stand smoke, it always makes my eyes sting and water...  
  
I sighed and sat down on my couch. The room was still a bit misty, but it was a lot better than before...  
I looked up to see Squall stumble out of the kitchen. He stopped and shrugged.  
"Sorry about that...."  
I shook my head, "It's fine... At least the place didn't burn down...." I raised an eyebrow, "What were you trying to do anyway..?"  
He shifted his stance and awkwardly looked at the wall, "...I....was trying to make breakfast....."  
I blinked and stared at him in surprise. I don't know what astonished me more, the fact that I woke up to a smoke filled apartment, or the fact the Squall was actually trying to cook....  
In the Garden, we never had to make our own meals, we'd just go to the cafeteria and order what we wanted. There just wasn't enough time for some people to bother with learning how to cook...  
I'm not saying I'm any better at it now, but I managed to learn how to make a few things from Dylan. He's quite the connoisseur.. He taught me a thing or two, baffled by the fact that I was nineteen years old and hadn't ever stepped foot in a kitchen...   
I blushed, "I-I could make you something if you want."  
He shook his head, "It's fine..."  
I stood up, "I don't mind."  
He opened his mouth to say something, then just shrugged, "Whatever...."  
  
After going through all my cupboards, I managed to find enough for a decent breakfast....  
I poured the pancake batter into the frying pan and evened it out. Pancakes were my starting off point when I was learning how to cook, so I guess I wasn't that bad at making them. I just hope I don't mess up and end up with  
charred little crisps....  
I looked back at my poor toaster. Squall had forgotten to check the toast he was making and ended up almost setting the thing on fire, thus the smell that had tickled my nose this morning...  
Looking back to the frying pan, I flipped the pancake over and set my spatula down. This is kind of strange..... I shook my head, who knew I would ever be making him breakfast.... I felt myself blush.   
  
"Here you go..." I set the plate down in front of him and headed back to the kitchen to make some coffee.  
  
When I returned, he was already absorbed into the now diminishing stack of flap-jacks.  
At least he seems to like them okay.... I set down a steaming mug of coffee beside him and then sat down at the other side of the table with my own mug in hand.  
"....Thanks." he said without looking away from his plate. I nodded and took a sip of the hot liquid. I furrowed my brows and shook my head...  
Blech..... I made mine too strong... Maybe it'll help me wake up though....   
  
There was an awkward silence during the whole breakfast. I would've tried to talk about something, but chances are I'd be met with three word responses...  
I set my half empty cup down. I couldn't take another drink... it just tasted too awful. That'll teach me I guess..  
I looked at Squall. He sat back and stared at the empty plate.  
"Good..?" I asked.  
He nodded, "..Yeah.." I nodded and looked him over. He was back to wearing his gray t-shirt and black pants. I didn't notice before, but the t-shirt was a little torn and tattered. I booted myself mentally.   
Of course it was, he had cuts all over his chest.  
".....Y-You can keep the clothes you wore yesterday you know..." I said slowly spinning my cup by the handle.  
I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye, "Huh?"  
I blushed, "..Well...You're shirt's all ripped.... I just thought that you'd need a new one..."  
He raised an eyebrow, "Why are you fussing over me all of a sudden...?"  
I looked straight ahead and felt my face get hotter. I didn't mean to be, I was just trying to be helpful.....  
Wasn't I?  
"...Just trying to be helpful...." I said.  
He crossed his arms, "I'm not a little kid.... I can do this kind of stuff on my own." I looked at him.  
This coming from the guy who showed up all beaten up on my doorstep, and almost set my kitchen on fire trying to make himself breakfast... I bit my tongue though. No point in arguing about it, I'll just let him think what he wants...   
I shrugged and got up, "... O-kay..." I reached out and grabbed the plate from in front of him and headed into the kitchen.  
  
I sighed as I placed the dishes in the sink...  
I hate washing dishes too..... I'm such a procrastinator when it comes to house work.  
Turning on the tap, I let the sink fill to the brim with hot water. Taking off my watch and setting it on the window sill, I dove my hands in and set to work. Might as well get this done as fast as I can..  
I looked out the window in front of me. The sun was shining, flooding the room in a warm soft glow... It felt nice, and sort of soothing. I smiled and looked back down at the dishes.  
I looked around, making sure Squall wasn't in the room. I think he was in the bathroom having a shower or something.  
Satisfied that I was on my own, I recalled the piano music from the other night. It kept playing crystal clear, in my mind over and over.  
I submitted to the melody, and started to hum it softly as I ran the dish cloth around a glass. I blinked my eyes lazily as I set the glass on the tea towel beside the sink to dry.  
I'm glad she's going to play at the bar again tonight. I can't wait to hear her music. I found at her name was Angela Snow, from a blushing Dylan. I grinned as I remembered how red his face was as he watched her play....  
Maybe this is a repeat of Julia and Laguna....  
Hopefully with a happy ending this time.... But, I guess there was a happy ending in their case. I mean, they both found they're true loves and married them to have the children that grew up and who stood side by side in the face of destiny...  
I leaned against the counter and stared way off at the horizon. I had forgotten about Squall & Rinoa.... Here I am all thinking that they're not together, when I don't even know for sure.... I guess I just assumed---  
I don't know, maybe they just had a fight or something, and that's why he left. That would expain why his ring wasn't with her anymore, but it dosen't explain her strange behavior......  
Why did she hug me after I practically said I loved him..? And why did she say I wasn't supposed to be there when she opened the door...?  
It's all so strange... I guess there's no use asking myself questions I can't answer.  
I realized I was still humming. I guess I was so deep in thought I forgot I was doing it... but music does that to me sometimes. It makes me think, and I like that... It's sort of like a meditating, except my mind's not the thing at peace..... It's more like, everything around me gets shut out leaving me with my thoughts.. No interruptions. I just end up in my own world...  
Hm, sort of like Squall.  
I closed my eyes for a moment then started to finish up the last of the dishes. Hearing the floor boards shift, I looked over my shoulder and blushed.  
Squall was standing there with his arms crossed leaning against the wall. He had exchanged his grey t-shirt for the nave blue one.   
The left side of his mouth was turned up making a little smirk.  
"H-How long have you been standing there..?" I asked trying to hide my blushing face by looking back down at the sink.   
I really thought I was all alone in here for the passed while.  
He shrugged, "Not long.."   
There was a moment of silence. I could feel his gaze still on me. I turned to look at him.  
"W-What..?"  
His features softened, he shook his head, "It's nothing..." He came and walked up beside me, staring out the window. I looked back down at the sink and reached my hand in, pulling out a plate.  
I blushed a little more as I felt his arm brush against mine.... I bit my lip and tried to concentrate as hard as I could on the dish I was wiping clean in my hand.   
He can distract me very easily sometimes...  
"...That was a nice tune... Where'd you hear it?" he asked still looking outside.  
I felt embarrassment wash all over me. I was hoping he hadn't heard me humming...  
"...At the bar last night."  
I kinda looked at him, he nodded and said no more. I noticed the bandages that I had wrapped around his head the other day were gone.  
"Why'd you take them off...?" I asked searching the sink for any stray utensils.  
"Huh.?"  
I found a fork and pulled it out of the water, "The bandages..... You should leave them on until the cut's completely healed...."  
".....I heal quickly.." he answered somewhat absently. I glanced over at him.  
"Let me see..." I said.  
He gave me an odd look than held his hair back with his hand. I slowly reached up and turned his head so I could see the wound.  
To my surprise, he was right. I could barely make it out.... It must be handy to have a quick recovery rate..  
".... Huh. You're-" I realized he was looking into my eyes.. sort of like yesterday, "---right..." I finished quickly, letting my hand drop back towards the sink. He looked away.  
I cleared my throat and pulled the plug out of the sink. I just stood there and watched the soapy water spiral then little by little disappear. Squall left my side and headed back towards the living room. I thought for a moment and decided that now would be good time to ask some of the questions I know he's been avoiding to answer....  
  
I watched from the kitchen as he sat on the edge of the couch with his arms crossed resting on his lap. Maybe I should wait a little longer...  
No. He's been putting this off long enough....  
I took a deep breath and headed toward him. Taking a seat in the easy chair, I faced him straight on.  
I built up my courage. He's gonna answer my questions whether he wants to or not.   
At least I'll try to get him to answer them....  
"...Squall..?" I asked.  
He looked up from the floor.  
"...Um.... I think we should talk."  
He raised an eyebrow at me, "About what..?"  
I kind of fiddled with the hem of my shorts, "Well...... You've been here for a couple days now, and I'm still wondering about the how and the why of it all..." I shook my head, "A-And I'm not going to take 'I don't want to talk about it as an answer'..."  
I hope I got my point across okay.  
He sat back and took a couple breaths. I'm still curious as to why he didn't just tell me what was going on first off....  
He looked at me then straight ahead, "You're not gonna lay off huh?"  
I crossed my arms trying to look as if I was impatient.  
He finally sighed and crossed his arms, "...... I left because..... I had to get away and... think."  
I sat back and waved my hand in front of me, "..That's it..? That's why you took off leaving everything and everyone behind."  
He glared at me for a moment then looked at his lap, "Yeah. So..... What did you want me to say?"  
I blushed and shook my head, "I just want an explanation...."  
He threw his arms up, "Well that's the only one I've got okay!"  
"Whoa! Take it easy!" I retorted, "I'm sorry...." I nodded my head, "Keep going..."  
He rolled his eyes and resumed to his thinking position, "..It's hard to explain.."  
I shook my head. I know in his case the sword is mightier than the pen but......   
".. Try your best?..Please?"  
"...Fine...  
..... That day," he began quietly, "the day I left.... I don't know, there'd been some really rough passed couple of weeks. I couldn't concentrate at all.... I have no frigin' idea why.... The stacks of paper work and reports that I had to sign and respond to were piling up, I still had to organize and approve SeeD mission contracts, do initiation lectures, on top of all that I always had some ass harassing me about some kind of problem, or asking me millions of questions about this and that...Bitching about why there were cutbacks in their area. Even though I'm not the one who handles the goddamn budget...." he ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. I could tell he was getting a little stressed...   
"It was just getting to be too much. I couldn't do anything at all... I started to have doubts about everything...   
So, I guess I just sort of snapped. I left everything that reminded me of Garden behind, and told Zell this bull story that I was going to train around Balamb for a while...... Next thing I knew, I was in Balamb train station buying a boarding pass to Timber..."  
I nodded. Makes sense, though I still wish he had just told someone he had to get away...... I suppose he's had a lot more pressure on him than I thought he did.   
"You had to get away and think...." I summarized. He slowly nodded.  
"You had to just go somewhere with no reminders of Garden, or SeeD, or anything..." I said, "Why didn't you talk to the others? Maybe they could of helped..."  
He snorted, "..Whatever..."  
I sat back a little in surprise. I can't believe this... I thought Rinoa had cured him of being so cold and introverted towards the people who just wanted to be his friends...  
"Even after everything, you still won't talk to them....?"  
He shook his head, "I'm talking to you aren't I?"  
I blushed, "That's not what I mean.... It's just you know they're always there for you and--"  
"I don't want their help!" he scowled swiping his hand in front of them, ".. How can they help, how can anyone help if I don't even know why I started thinking this way! Why I all of a sudden am unsure of things I thought I had wanted.. Thinking of it now, I didn't even want to be SeeD's leader. I got pushed into it without a say in anything!!!"  
I sighed.... I didn't really know what to say to him that might help at all..  
He stood up, "When I got to Timber, I spent a couple nights in the hotel.... I just sat there like a worthless ball of nothing. Even when I was hundreds of miles away from Garden, I still couldn't think..."  
I stood up and took a few steps toward him....  
"Then, I don't know...... I got the notion that maybe YOU might be able to help me. I thought that since you had quit, you might've gone through the same thing....  
So I coughed up the gil for a rental car and started to head my way here, to Deling..."  
"Is this where the explanation of why you were half dead on my door step comes in...?" I mused placing my hand on my hip.  
He glanced back at me and then faced me, "I ran out of gas about 3/4 of the way here. I figured if I stuck to the road, I'd be just fine..... Of course judging how well things had been going for me that far, I shouldn't have been so assuming. I was at the city outskirts when I had an encounter. I was too exhausted and worn down to even lift a finger, so needless to say, I tried to get away...  
Thing is the damn monsters managed to knock me around a bit before a could escape...." he turned away from me and put a hand on his hip, "Don't ask me how I got to your building, because frankly, I have absolutely no clue......"  
I was silent...   
"...I just remember having this strange feeling..... Good thing I went with it or else who knows where I'd be now...."   
I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. He just stood there looking at the wall....  
".....And I'm still trying to figure out what Rinoa was talking about before I left...."  
My eyes widened a little with curiosity.   
"..What did she say.....?" I asked hoping he'd actually tell me.. I mean, we were on a roll so far. He shook his head..  
"......She handed me back my ring.... and started saying something about...." he turned around to face me. He stood there and studied me for a long moment.... searching my eyes... then he shook his head and walked toward the door, snatching his jacket off the rack on the way. I let the hand that was on his shoulder just moments before fall to my side as I watched him turn the doorknob.  
"..Sorry Quistis. I need to get out and get some air...." he said quietly, still facing the door. He pivoted his head and looked at me for a moment, then he opened the door.  
I just stood there and watched him shut it behind him as he stepped into the hall.  
The little apartment suddenly felt cold and lonely.. The fear started to manifested until it thundered through my mind;  
...what if he never comes back....?  
  
It had been several hours.... No word from Squall...  
I was on my bed in the fetal position... just laying there..  
What if he never comes back..?  
The notion wouldn't stop gnawing at the back of my mind...He was really stressed.. But even if he doesn't come back... at least I got some answers... Even if they weren't answers I was hoping for...   
..........?  
He was right, what DID I want him to say....?  
Was I hoping he'd just cry out, 'I left because I'm crazy about you!!!!'...  
I laughed bitterly... Even after all these months... I'm just as delusional as ever....  
Squall.......  
I wish there was some way I could help you. I wish that I could just know everything, and put your mind at ease...  
Maybe I should've become a psychiatrist. I'd probably be more of a help.   
I sat up. An idea hit me...  
I know someone who may be able to help, even if they weren't a shrink.. They seemed to have a better clue about this than anyone else, especially considering what Squall had said a little before he left.  
With that I reached my hand toward the phone on my night stand.   
  
"Hello...?" the light hearted voice answered.  
"Hi Rinoa...."  
There was a silence on the other end.   
"..Quistis?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Hi! Got the news yesterday! Everyone's relieved that he's okay..."  
I nodded, "Yeah, me too..."  
"Have to say, I AM a little surprised..."  
"Huh..? About what..?"  
There was a pause, "...Didn't he tell you..?"  
"..Tell me what?..." I waited a moment, "Wait a sec, what makes you think he's here..?"  
Another pause, "I had a feeling he'd find his way there....." she said in a-matter-of-fact tone..  
I raised an eyebrow, "..What?" I feel kind of dumb... I have absolutely no clue what she's going on about.  
She giggled, "..Oh nothing. Forget it..... So anyway, how are things..?"  
I shrugged, "They're alright I suppose... Um... I was just calling to ask you some things."  
"..Like what..?"  
I took the phone chord and entangled it around my fingers, "Well.... I was talking to him today.. and I managed to get a better understanding on what's happened... but, well you know him, he can't ever seem to express how he really feels and--"  
I heard a snort on the other end, ".Hmm, that's what got him into this whole mess in the first place..."  
"Huh..?"  
There was a sigh, "... Well, since he probably left this out, I'll tell you.  
He's been acting real weird, I mean more than usual, for the last several months. Remember I told you he was upset that night at your party..?"  
I nodded, "Uh huh...."  
"Well, picture that attitude all the time...."   
I let the chord fall from my grip, "Oh..."  
"Anyway..... he was shutting everyone out, again. Even me.... I didn't know why for the beginning little while, but when he did talk to me, I listened, I mean really listened not to what he was saying, but to what he WASN'T saying. Sort of 'reading between the lines'.."  
Where's she going with this...?  
"Then, it hit me. I realized why he was acting the way he was..."  
I sat on the edge of my bed, "What..? What'd you realize..?"  
"Hey, where is he anyway.?"  
"..He left hours ago.."   
"Left.? You mean LEFT left?"  
"I'm not sure... He hasn't come back yet."  
She groaned, "Oh Squall..... The answer was right in front of you..." she said quietly. It sounded like she was saying it more to herself than to me..  
"Just give him some time.... I know he'll figure it out soon.."  
I stood up, "Figure what out? What are talking about..?"   
I heard a muffled, "Just a minute!" Sounded like she was calling to someone.  
"Sorry Quisty, I'm gonna have to let you go. Selphie's beating my door down..."  
"But---"  
"See ya!" Click....  
I took the receiver away from my ear and looked at it. What the hell was all that about? I hung it up and dropped the phone on my bed.  
"Well all that was about as clear as mud....." I muttered walking out into the living room. So much for getting any help from her...  
  
So much I still don't get......  
You think you're getting some where, when you actually just end up in more confusion than you started out with.... Man, Rinoa was sure talking weird. I mean, what's with all the little riddles and games, what's she trying to pull..?  
I sat down in front of my television, completely dressed and ready to go to work.... Even though it was a good half an hour or so before it was time to go... I brushed my fingers through my hair. I decided I'd leave it down tonight...  
Picking up the remote control, I started flipping through the channels. Sunday nights are about as bad as weekday mornings....   
I passed by a couple of talk shows, but didn't stop to watch them. It was kind of funny, every one I passed someone was either yelling or throwing something at another guest.  
What's T.V. coming to when people call THAT kind of stuff entertainment..? Everyone's going crazy....  
At least, that's what I think...  
With a scornful groan I hit the power button on the remote and watched the picture flicker then disappear..  
Silence....  
Silence really bites sometimes...  
I got up and paced around the ever darkening apartment. A million things running though my head...  
Why couldn't I just be able to have a normal life... like everyone else.? Why is it that all this weird ass stuff seems to happen to me? My life was on track, I was settled in..New friends, new job, new way of life.... Then that day I saw the report on Squall.. missing, since then my eyes seem to be getting more and more clouded with each passing moment.. Same with my mind.   
To top it all off, Squall has to run off and make me worry.... again.  
Why is it he seems to be the one causing me the most trouble? I try to be here for him, I try to help and understand him, then I end up getting swept up in it all, then left alone to sort it all out....  
He better be worth all the heart ache and trouble he's caused me... I'm so pathetic.  
Oh no..   
I'm not gonna start that all over again. I'm truly pathetic if I start wallowing in self pity. I should just do what I always do....  
Pick myself up, dust myself off..... and hope for the best. Though I don't know how many times I can keep doing that before I can do it no more...   
I pulled on my jacket and purse. Wouldn't hurt to start work a little early would it..?  
  
The brisk walk to the hotel was refreshing and what I needed. The sun was starting it's descent towards the horizon, sending golden streaks of colour over everything. This was always my favourite time of day, especially when there were some clouds in the sky. Their beautiful change from fluffy white, to purples and pinks always seemed to capture me.  
I couldn't help but smile a little, my mind was at piece. For now at least....  
  
I pushed open one of the double doors leading into the hotel. After a quick look around, I headed toward the staircase that descended into the lounge.  
  
Seems like I wasn't the only one who decided to come early.......  
Tera was leaning against the bar talking to Nina, who's back was towards me. Dylan was no where in sight, which I thought was a little strange because he's usually always around either one of them.  
I shrugged and walked up.  
Tera pointed at me causing Nina to turn around. The green eyed girl smiled and put her hands on her hips.  
"Early again? I hope you're not going to make a habit of this.."  
I nodded and stood in front of her, "Hah hah... Very funny." I started to take off my jacket, "Have you guys seen Dylan?"  
Nina shook her head and Tera started to laugh.  
"Heh, last time I saw him he went stumbling after that piano player.."  
I raised an eyebrow, "How do you even know who the piano player is? You weren't here yesterday."  
She shrugged, "Dave pointed her out."  
Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder...  
"Well speak of the devil." Tera said with a crooked smile. I pivoted my head to see a tall young man with curly blond hair smiling down at me.  
"Hi!" I grinned.  
Dave shook his head, "Haven't seen you around for a while."  
I nodded, "Yeah, what you've been up to?"  
"Ah, not much. I was just enjoying the spectacle in the lobby."  
"What spectacle..?" Nina piped up.  
He chuckled, "I just saw Dylan and Angela Snow come off the elevator..."  
"What?!" we all chimed in.  
He nodded, "You should of seen him... His face was redder than a drunk's. I overheard him going on and on about how 'inspirational her music was' and how 'it really touched him'..."  
I crossed my arms..   
Dave shrugged, "It looked like he was trying to do some heavy ass kissing."  
"I feel bad for the girl." We all turned to look at Tera. She was standing there with her hands on her hips, "Remember the last woman he tried to 'woo'?"  
Nina giggled, "Didn't she end up in the hospital with a broken nose..?"  
"When did that happen?" I asked.  
Tera glanced at me, "A little after last Christmas. He tried to take this girl that he'd been drooling over for months ice skating. He was so nervous he ended up stumbling on the ice and tripping her." she started laughing, "It was yet another priceless moment."  
Nina cocked her head, "You were there?"  
She nodded, "It was a double date."  
Nina looked like she was thinking for a moment, "Hey... I think you told me about that. Didn't it end up your date helped Dylan's date to the hospital..? I heard they got married last month. Seems you're not any better off than Dylan huh..?"  
Tera's face started to flush, "................"  
"..Or were you going to casually leave that part out?" Nina continued. Tera got a wild look in her eye and gave the 'don't screw with me' glare.  
Dave and I backed away from the impending cat fight. That woman gets pretty scary when she gets irritated...  
"ANY-way...." I said turning to look at him, "What are you still doing here? I thought you got off work early on Sundays?"  
"Some overtime doesn't hurt now and then." he answered looking behind me. I could hear those two still bickering   
"Come on you two! Lighten up. If it makes you feel any better, you both suck at dating..." he called to them waving his hands. I felt my eyes widen. I don't think that was the smartest thing he's ever said... The bickering stopped and I watched Dave get a look of horror in his eyes.  
"Whoops. Gotta go!" he cried as he fled from the lounge, chased by a yelling Nina and Tera. I sighed and thanked Hyne that the area was semi empty. It's not really professional to beat up co-workers in front of customers....   
So there I was, left standing by the bar all alone. I checked my watch, my shift officially starts in about..  
5...4....3......2....1.  
Ah, there we go. I picked up a tray and looked around. I hope they all get back soon before they get busted for chasing each other around the hotel...  
  
The night started off the same as yesterday. Pretty slow...  
Nina, Tera and Dave got yelled at by the hotel manager for causing a disruption in the lobby. I felt kind of bad for them, but I kind of wished I was there... Probably was a funny little scene...  
Dylan DID show up, late mind you, but he came. He just kept smiling and boasting about how he had a date with Angela next Friday. Tera bursted his bubble though by commenting on how the girl probably said yes so he'd stop hanging off of her.  
Maybe secretly, she's a little jealous... I hear Tera had had a thing for Dylan a little while ago, but nothing came to pass. I never asked her about it though..... If she's anything like me, she'd probably rather not talk about it...  
I was just heading back towards the bar after handing out about six coolers to this group of giggling college students when the place broke out into applause. Looking around in confusion, I noticed a woman clad in blue silk come gliding down the stairs.  
It was Angela of course. Her dress was stunning, and I couldn't help but wonder if her family was wealthy considering how much it probably cost.  
Her face sort of flushed as she bowed when she reached the piano. At least she's not letting all this popularity go to her head....  
I continued my walk to the bar and leaned against it. Now that she's going to start playing, I'll have a little break from serving drinks... Everyone just seems to get totally absorbed in her music...  
"I'm going out with her." Dylan announced triumphantly. He scared me half to death just popping up out of no where like that.   
I rolled my eyes grinned, "That's the hundredth time you've said that in the passed two hours.."  
He smiled, "I know, but I just don't seem to get sick of saying it."   
I shook my head and looked back to the grand piano. She took a deep breath and set her fingers to the ivory keys.  
  
Her song...  
I felt my heart ache a little. It was just the tone of her music, the sound...the feeling it emitted.  
An incredible sense of longing throbbed in my heart....  
I kind of turned my face downwards... I didn't want to cry in front of room full of people.. but I still felt my throat choke up, and salty tears spring to my eyes.  
.......I wish Squall was here......  
To share this with me....  
..I've really gotta stop thinking like that. I should embrace the future, and not look back....  
.....Screw that!! I don't want to be alone for the future.. I want to face it all with someone. I want to share all the pain, the laughter, the smiles, the tears... I don't want to bear it all alone.  
I don't want to be alone... I don't want to be alone!!!  
The phrase repeated itself in my head, and gradually got so loud I was practically screaming inside. Feeling a slight touch on my shoulder, the shouting in my head stopped... the moment disappeared.  
"..I know her music's great and all, but you don't have to look like it's killing you.."  
I looked at him, "... Sorry."  
"What for?"  
I shook my head, "Nothing. Never mind.." He raised an eyebrow and grinned.  
"You are really odd sometimes you know."  
I nodded and forced a smile, "..Yeah. I know..." Just as I was turning to look back to Angela, I got this really creepy feeling. The feeling like someone was watching me.. I glanced around the large room, but I found no one even looking in my general direction...  
I shivered....   
  
"See you guys later!" Dylan smiled as he walked up the stairs. Tera, Nina and I all smiled and giggled as he winked at Angela, who was still sitting at the piano. She smiled and waved at him.  
"What a lady killer.." I joked.  
"Yeah, that's what we should be afraid of." the blue eyed girl muttered scornfully. Nina elbowed her in the ribs.  
"Why are you on his case tonight? Give the guy a break...."  
I watched Tera's features soften and she shook her head, "I know...... Sorry." Nina smiled and gave her a hug.  
"There ya go!" The taller brown haired girl grinned slightly and patted Nina's back.   
I went behind the bar and set my tray on one of the shelves. The place was closing up so there was no use in having it with me anymore.  
I was about turn away and get started on gathering up the empty glasses and bottles when I heard chuckling. I peered over the counter to see Nina and Tera whispering.  
"What's with the jacket?"  
"..I don't know but he sure is gorg----"  
"What are you two doing..?" I asked standing up. I seemed to have startled them because they both jumped. A hint of red on their faces.  
Nina looked around slightly and leaned over, "Some strange guy's staring at you..And he's kinda cute!"  
My eyes widened a little and I tried to non-chalantely glance around.  
"Don't look!!" she cried in a hushed voice. I furrowed my brows and gave her a crooked stare.  
And Dylan said I was odd....  
She stepped back and looked around again. I shook my head and turned to the back counter. I picked up some empty bottles that the 'Casanova' forgot throw away before he left.  
"You know you guys..." I said over my shoulder, ".You ARE weird some-" I caught sight of Nina out of the corner of my eye. She was gazing up at something with this look of awe on her face.  
What the-?  
I turned around to be faced with a familiar visage.. Those eyes staring into mine..   
"Squall?!" I cried dropping the bottles. They fell to the carpeted floor with a soft thud.  
"...Can I talk to you..? Outside...." he asked. There was a little bead of sweat on his brow..  
He looks kinda... nervous?  
I kind of nodded absently, "S-Sure.... Just give me a minute.." I finished as I snatched up my coat and purse from the bottom shelf.  
I pulled them on as I walked out from in behind the bar.  
"...Shall we go?" he asked stepping out of my path. I nodded and walked ahead.  
As we ascended the stairs I shot back a quick glance to Nina and Tera. Tera was still standing there staring, and Nina smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I felt my face flush, then I turned away.  
  
The night air was cool and refreshing as Squall and I walked down the wind blown streets of Deling.  
He had his hands in is pockets, and was looking at the ground. I gripped my purse strap and swallowed hard.  
What does he want to talk to me about..?  
We came to junction. He glanced at me shook and motioned to the path.  
"This way..."  
I followed.  
  
We ended up in the park. Not another soul in sight....  
I stopped and gazed around at the quiet scenery. Squall walked passed me and up to the edge of the water.   
I took a deep breath and walked up to his side.  
"So...." I began. My heart was thundering in my chest, "Where've you been?"  
He shrugged, "Walking around..... Thinking mostly.."  
I nodded, "I'm glad you were able to.. Do you feel any better?"  
He nodded and kicked a stone into the moonlit waters, "..A little."  
"....Were you able to find the answers you were looking for?"  
He looked up at the sky and smirked, "....Yes."  
"....So... What did you want to talk about.?" I asked carefully sitting down on the grass.  
I took off my heels and set them beside me.. My feet were killing me..  
Squall took a seat beside me, our shoulders touching...  
"..I was at your work tonight.."  
I blushed a little and nodded, "I thought you were just there for the last little bit?"  
He shook his head.  
"How come you were there..?" I asked clasping my hands in my lap.  
There was a delayed answer, "..I....wanted to see you.."  
My heart pounded more and more....  
"... Like I said.. I've been thinking ever since I stepped foot out of your apartment.."  
He shifted slightly and brushed back his hair, "..... I think I know what was wrong.."  
I smiled, "Really? I'm glad...."  
"Yeah well.... I'm pretty slow.."  
I raised an eyebrow and looked at him, "What do you mean..?" He reached into his pocket and after a moment or so, pulled out shimmering little circular object.  
I recognized the lion engravement... His ring.  
"Just before I left... I spoke to Rinoa..." he looked at the ring, "... She said that she figured I'd be going, and handed me back my ring.... I didn't know why she was doing it, but she said it was for the best.... and that if I follow my heart, she's sure I'll find what I'm looking for... I asked her what she meant, but she just shook her said I had to figure it out on my own....  
So a little later, I left. And I realized that she had just broken up with me. I had no clue why..."  
I sighed and shook my head, "I'm so sorry Squall...."  
"..It's alright."  
"Huh..?"  
"I'm not finished yet.." he said with a little grin as he looked out over the water. A soft breeze blew around us, and I suddenly felt a little tug on my memory. This is the same atmosphere as the party... when I had that fight with him...  
I gulped, I hoped that this evening wouldn't end the same as it had then....  
"..Like I was saying..." he continued, "..But.. I think I know now...."  
He gazed at the ring, his features softened, "..She such an intuitive girl.... She knew even before I did..."  
I furrowed my brows.. What's he talking about?  
"When I saw you the first night I came here, I was really relieved.... There was something else though, but I just shoved it aside and ignored it. I got the strange feeling again. The one that I had followed that ended me up where you found me that night..."  
I licked my lips and clasped my hands tighter. No words can describe how nervous I was..  
".... Then, after I finished changing this morning and came out, I saw you in the kitchen humming.... That feeling from the night before last creeped up again... It was soothing...."   
He shifted so he was sitting facing me.  
"..That day you left on the train, I was trying to avoid saying good-bye.. It wasn't because of the fight.."  
I sighed and looked at him, "Really?"  
"Yeah.... I was afraid to say good-bye to you, because if I did, it would feel more final that you were leaving......  
But, after I heard you had already taken the car and headed toward Balamb.. I panicked, because I realized that no matter what, you were going away. I got in one of the cars and took off after you...  
When I got to the station though, you were already on the train...."  
I nodded recalling that day. The hurt look in his eyes....  
"..I felt horrible, because I was so rude to you, though the problem was with me... I guess I took it out on you..."  
I shook my head, "That was a long time ago..... It's doesn't matter.."  
He continued on not regarding my words, ".. For the following months, I...." he cringed a little, "..moped.... around the Garden."  
Squall moping?  
".. I wanted to call and apologize, but I couldn't do it...... So I just buried it, and continued on with my life....  
.. Without really knowing it, I slowly started to withdraw from everyone and everything again.."  
..Just like Rinoa had said......  
"... There was this.... I don't know, ache. I didn't know what it was, or why it was there but I tried to ignore it....  
After a while, I just couldn't concentrate or think properly...... That pretty much leads up to what I told you earlier today..... And I know everyone wanted to help..... But I knew they couldn't.... There was only one person that could possibly-"  
He kind of took a deep breath, "I want to apologize to you....... I've treated you like shit, shut you out when all you wanted was to help... I'm sorry.."  
My eyes widened. I slowly placed my hand on his shoulder, "...It's alright... You have your reasons.."  
He shook his head again, "It's not alright.... I still can't believe I treated you like that.... The person I-"  
He stopped. My heart jumped in my chest...  
"Rinoa was right, I did find what I was looking by following my heart...."  
He took my hand gently, "..And it led me-" he placed the ring in it and closed my hand, "--to you."  
My eyes stung suddenly with tears.. My breath came quicker..  
"... I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out.... I just hope that you were willing to wait for me...." he smiled. He was trying to sound calm, but the look in his eyes said quite different. He looked so vulnerable.. so human. My heart ached...  
He let go of my hand and I opened it up. The moon glinted off of the ring's metallic surface.  
His ring..... The ring I've dreamt about.... It signified everything I longed for, and it was mine.. I realized Squall was still sitting there looking at me, nervously awaiting an answer.  
I looked at him through blurry tear filled eyes. In one quick motion I threw my arms around him and started to cry into his shoulder, "I waited...." I sobbed, "I've always waited for you..."  
I felt him put his arms around my quivering form.. It all felt like a dream...  
I pulled back a little and sniffed. He smiled at me, took off his glove, and tenderly wiped my tears away.  
"... But," I began, "What about Garden? I thought you talked to Cid the other day..?"  
He looked surprised for a moment then shook his head, "I did...... To say that I was resigning.."  
I took in a shape breath... That's what Rinoa meant by the thing she was surprised that he didn't tell me....  
Everything, for once, is starting to make sense. I felt the clouds in front of my eyes vanish, I could see everything so   
clearly..............  
.............. That night that I had returned to Garden, when Rinoa said I wasn't supposed to be there, it was because she knew Squall would come looking for me.....  
She asked me if I loved him because she knew he had the same feelings..  
I gave a somewhat crooked grin...  
She knew everything before we did...  
Remembering what he had just said, I snapped out of my train of thought, "..W-Why did you quit...?"  
".. I wise person told me once, that we follow a set path for a time in our life...." he brushed back a stray hair that had swept onto my face, "..and that once we've walked that path, we were free to live our life as we chose...."  
I felt more tears caress my cheeks as I chuckled, "..Wow, they must be really wise.." I said smiling.  
He nodded, "..The wisest I know..."  
He leaned in closer, "...Quistis Trepe...You're all I really want..."  
I smiled and leaned in too, ".. You're all I really want....Squall Leonhart..."  
  
Under the light of the shining crescent moon, our hearts became one, sealed by a kiss that will forever be etched in my heart.......  
I've found my new path.....  
and all I've ever really wanted.  
  
The End  
  
Author's Note: *sniff* Just a little choked up is all. Can't believe that I actually finished! Oh man.... So what did you all think? I hoped you like it and before a say good-bye, I'd like to thank all the readers, and especially the reviewers...  
You're kind and encouraging words helped me through this long and difficult process of writing..  
Thank you everyone!!! *blows a big kiss*   
So until we meet again, see you, and thank you! -_o ~Kelli  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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